My Prayer for I ♥ Weekend – Believe 2015

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As we gear up for the 2015 Believe Weekend, our thoughts are set on the theme, I ♥ Weekend.  I have not been to this place, but I see lots of people that have, and they will find a way to come back i-love-ny-t-shirt-whitewith at T-Shirt that says I ♥ NY.  This weekend I mowed the lawn with the i ♥ radio app, and enjoyed some tunes.  If you want to go OLD SCHOOL with me, then you might remember a time where we wrote notes to each other on this stuff called notebook paper.  As a guy, it was pretty awesome to get a note from a girl with, “I ♥ YOU” written on it.   Needless to say, I ♥ ____ (fill in whatever)  is something that has been trending in our lives in some form or fashion.  IheartYouOur hearts, emotions, wills, stomachs, and whatever else,  lead us to places, events, apps, and things that we ♥ the most.  I think that is why we can even look into God’s Word and find thoughts about what is in our heart and directing our lives.

Reading Ephesians 3:17-19, Paul talks about the heart and a love that has been trending for 2,000 years or so…

17 so that Christ may dwell in your ♥s through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (i added the heart and the bold for fun ☺)

My prayer for this weekend is that the love of Christ will be trending in the ♥s and minds of Middle School and High School Students.  Paul talks about Christ dwelling in our  ♥ through faith.  My prayer is that students will be reminded about Christ and some might possibly receive Christ in their ♥s this weekend.  I pray  that we will continue to see generations “rooted and grounded in love,” that know the “love of Christ that surpasses knowledge.” Pray with me that I ♥ Jesus becomes the leading trend this year for our Middle School and High School students.

Fear On the Job: YouTubeYouCanUSe

The Youth Cartel
1500 Foot TV Tower

Volume 5, Issue 1

Video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1BgzIZRfT8

Topics:

Fear, Work, Climbing, Simplicity

Bible:

Psalm 23:4

Discussion Starter:

It sounds like such a simple job, right? Just changing a light bulb. But when you know all of the facts the task of changing a light bulb on a TV tower doesn’t seem quite as easy. First you have to wear a lot of equipment. Next you have to climb 1500 feet straight up on a ladder. And finally, hopefully without losing your lunch, you get to the very top to change the light bulb.

Besides the physical aspects of this job it’s all about dealing with the fear. Is the tower going to fall over? Am I going to fall off? Is my equipment going to fail? Am I going to forget something on the ground? Am I going to drop something?

David writes in Psalm 23, “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

While we might not have to change any light bulbs 1500 feet off the ground, we’re each going to have to do some things which are scary. And when you are scared? Remember that God is with you.

3 Questions:

  1. If that was your job, what would be the hardest part?

  2. Would you rather climb a 1500 foot tower or descend into a 1500 foot tunnel?

  3. What are two fears you need to overcome?

Chew on this:

Does Psalm 23:4 mean that we aren’t supposed to fear things that are evil?

A Couple of Easy Reads for Parents

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Raising a son to become a God-honoring man is no easy task. It’s complex, it’s dynamic, and it requires a lifetime of investment. But authors Brock Morgan and Mark Oestreicher know it can be done—confidence that’s rooted in their individual journey of faith and in their experience as longtime youth workers.

A Parents’ Guide to Understanding Teenage Guys will help you see your son through the eyes of Jesus and will inspire you to seek God’s insight and wisdom as you accompany him on this journey filled with failure and triumph, defeat and victory, joy and sorrow. You’ll discover insights on shepherding your son, preparing him to take the reins of his life, and helping him confront the extreme struggles every guy faces—such as loneliness, anger, lust, apathy, and technology.

teenagegirls

Change is an inevitable part of life. So why are most of us parents shocked and surprised when our daughters change in unexpected, dramatic, significant ways once they hit the teen years? Girls go through their most dramatic developmental changes during adolescence. And they need parents to be there, just as present and involved as when our little girls were, well, still little girls!

As you read through the pages of A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Teenage Girls, veteran youth workers Brooklyn Lindsey and Mark Oestreicher will help you re-examine some assumptions and misunderstandings about this season of life. Then, from a place of trust in God, you will gain a fresh perspective on who your daughter is and who she’s becoming.

Serving Others Will Help Your Teen Thrive

Raising Resilient Children and Teens

Help your children thrive during both good and challenging times.

The Tension in Serving

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The Tension in Serving

So it’s confession time.  I’ve followed the blog posts that Reggie and Kara have posted in the last few week, and I admit it stirs a tension in me.

I think it’s generally true that people change when the pain associated with the status quo is greater than the pain associated with change.  Whether the issue is weight loss, music in your church, finances or friendship, most of us only change when our current situation becomes painful enough to motivate change – and sometimes the pain has to be quite significant to provoke deep change.

The tension I see is that the culture we live in moves us to greater and greater personal comfort.  We don’t have to get up to change a channel, change the music, and can drive in without an appointment to change the oil on our cars. We don’t even have to wait for dinner.  Everything moves us (and our kids) into greater and greater comfort.  Which leads me to my confession: I actually like comfort.  Chances are you might to.  I think our kids don’t mind it either.

And that makes serving difficult.  There will be very little pain associated with the status quo of not serving.  Face it: serving others is rarely convenient.  It’s often expensive.  It takes energy, time, effort and often money that we could spend on ourselves.

Which is why if I’m going to serve Christ and serve others, I need to make myself do it.  I wish I was a good enough person to wake up every morning and want to serve others.  But I find it’s more of a discipline – like working out or eating well.  If I wait for the moment of spiritual maturity where serving others is automatic, I be very old when it arrives. Or dead.

How about you?  Do you have to fight the status quo?  What have you found effective in helping you make serving a priority?  What has helped your family engage the tension of learning to serve?

A Parent’s Survival Guide to Middle School – Orange Parent Cue

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by | Oct 3, 2014 | Blog, Students

Last week we talked about the ways your middle schooler is changing. As a first time middle-school parent, with all of the changes and not-so-stellar characteristics, I started thinking to myself, “How will we ever get through this?”

During our parent orientation at our kid’s school a couple of weeks ago, the counselor assured us that it is possible to survive the middle school years if you will do 3 things:

1. Remember that YOU are the parent. Act like it.

Many parents want to be their kids’ BFF—doing whatever it takes not to disrupt the magic that happens when everyone is happy. But at this stage in the game, our role is more like that of coach than friend. You’re not done parenting yet, this child is not ready to be launched into the world as an adult, so you have to continue to work at parenting during this stage knowing that the goal of friendship lies just ahead.

They need a parent, and that’s a function only you can fulfill. And yes, while they won’t always be happy with you—or happy in general during their tween/teen years—it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Parents are the most important thing in a child’s life.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

Because of their hormones, they can and will showcase the full range of emotions in a matter of hours—sometimes minutes! During those moments of insanity, they will say things that might hurt you. They will roll their eyes, huff, sigh, or completely blow you off. WARNING: that’s not the time to pick a fight. You can’t argue with unbalanced people, your children included.

The chances are that they don’t really mean it. Pushing boundaries is now one of the primary activities on the middle school child job description. And it’s not that we shouldn’t enforce those boundaries, it’s just that we need to do so with grace and truth. Grace. Lots and lots of grace.

3. Get and STAY Connected.

Be intentional about getting your middle schooler connected to the right people. They can’t navigate this time on their own. They need people in their lives who are not you. They love you, but they will not tell you everything. In their eyes, you’re no longer objective. Connect your kid to a trusted adult such as a coach, play director, dance teacher, or church small group leader. Because they won’t ask you every question that pops into their head, widen the circle and find other adults who would say what you say.

Most of all, we can simply offer our kids safe places to land. Sometimes they just need space to clear their heads. They need us constantly reminding them they have value and that we love them in spite of the crazy.

Middle school isn’t easy, but with a little planning, preparation, and parenting you will help your children thrive throughout these important years.

If you’re a parent of a child in middle school or are past this stage of life, we could use some wisdom. How have you survived the middle school years?

 

Dan Scott works at Orange in New Product Development and is the Art Director and Large Group Director for 252 Basics. Dan and his wife Jenna have four amazing kids: Liam, Ellison, Addison, and Taye. You can read more from Dan on his blog, DanScottBlog.com, or on Twitter, @DanScott77.

YOUNG TEENS AND BIBLE READING

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YOUNG TEENS AND BIBLE READING

some time ago, i did a blog interview with josh griffin on thedownload youth ministry blog about young teens and bible reading. thought i’d share it here:

Research shows that a large percentage of churched teens rarely read the Bible outside of church. Why do you think that’s so?
A secondary reason is the busyness of the lives of teenagers these days; but the primary reason is that the Bible feels inaccessible to teens. They would say–if they’re being honest–that it’s “boring.” But what they really mean, if they had the words, would be, “I don’t know how to read it.”

Why do young teens have a hard time reading and relating to the Bible?
Of course, there’s a language issue. But I think the main hurdle for young teens is that reading the Bible feels more academic. They try it once or twice, but feel like failures when they don’t connect with what they’re reading.

young teen and bible.1How have changes in youth culture affected the ability of Christian teens to understand, relate to, and engage with Scripture?
One of the primary shifts in youth culture over the past couple decades is a major shift in how teenager understand truth. Mostly gone are the days when rational arguments trumped. Today’s teenagers and young adults have grown up in a world where their experience informs their understanding of what’s true. This shouldn’t unnerve us as Christ-followers; instead, we trust that the God who wants to reveal himself will meet teenagers in the living Word of God.

What are some of the spiritual challenges a young teen faces in today’s culture?
While I could answer this question in dozens of ways, I’ll go with this: today’s teenagers have an extremely heightened need for belonging. A desire for belonging is a good thing, and part of our being made in the image of God. But the challenge for today’s teenagers is that they usually learn their identity through their places of belonging. And, clearly, this can be problematic when their places of belonging tell them lies about themselves.

You’ve been involved in youth ministry for a few decades now. Is nurturing the faith of young teens more difficult today?
In many ways, yes (though not in every way). Certainly, our pluralistic culture has mostly eliminated the “base line” of basic assumptions we used to be able to make about teenagers’ knowledge of the Bible and basic beliefs. In many ways, the biggest issue I see is the extreme isolation of teenagers in our culture today: they spend all their waking hours in homogeneous groupings, and rarely spend time with adults. That brings all sorts of challenges with it that are difficult for youth workers who want to help teenagers grow into adults with a vibrant faith.

What are some of the challenges faced by parents, youth workers, and pastors?
As a parent of teenagers myself, I am constantly encouraged by our culture to treat my teenagers as if they are little children. This has a counter-intuitive negative impact on teenagers, extending adolescence (now understood to be a 20 year life stage!), and damaging their growth, including their spiritual development.

What are some ways that parents can help their teens understand the Bible?
This isn’t rocket science. A parent who wants to help their teens understand the Bible has to first model a life of being formed by God’s Word. Then, we have to be intentional about regular and ongoing spiritual conversations. Research has shown us the importance of teenagers verbalizing what they believe. Parents can have an amazing ministry with their teens by providing safe and supportive opportunities for that verbalization.

Middle School Changes – Orange Parent Cue

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by | Sep 25, 2014 | Blog, Students

I can’t say I feel old enough, but it’s true: we have a child in middle school.
A new school. A new chapter. A whole new world.

And as much as we sometimes feel like a deer in the headlights, thankfully, we’re not on our own during this transition to middle school. We have experts—parents, teachers, friends—around us who are already giving us insight into the middle school mind. They are people who’ve been there, know what we’re going through, and can help us along the way. Here’s some of what we’ve been learning.

The Middle School Changes

There are four major areas where middle school kids are changing.

Physical Changes: 

In general boys and girls develop at different rates. Most of the girls seem like giants compared to many of the boys who still look like they could be in fourth grade. This will change over the course of middle school. Kids will grow up. Yet as they grow, the body doesn’t grow at a standard ratio. The upper body may grow faster than their legs, or their feet might grow faster than the rest of their body, or kids might even start looking like bobble-heads again. They don’t call these the “Awkward Years” for nothing.

Intellectual Maturity: 

Our middle schoolers are more “worldly” than any previous middle school generation. They have access to the world at an unprecedented level, finding all sorts of information within seconds from a device that sits in the palm of their hands. Our kids are digital natives and know how to discover anything they want whenever they want. Yet, developmentally, so much of what they find is beyond what they can understand. They are still quite shallow in their thinking and act more like children than adults.

Emotional State:

Have you ever wanted to ask your kids, “Who are you and what did you do with our son?” Sometimes it seems like our kids are three different people trapped in the same body. Sometimes they can help this, but most times they can’t. They are hormonal, moody, and often irritable at a moment’s notice. On top of the hormones, they have a fragile self-concept. Because it’s still all about them, they take everything personally, while wondering if they’re good enough.

Social Development: 

Middle schoolers are experiencing a growing dependence on peers to find self-worth. They want to make friends and hang out with them without parents around. They will start to detach from family and begin to develop their independence.

Yet because these kids are unsure of who they are and who they really want hang around with, their friend groups will change. Kids who were best friends in elementary school might become casual acquaintances. Don’t be alarmed if your kids shuffle through different friend groups throughout the year. It’s just part of the process of growing up.

Throughout all of those changes, it’s important to remember this: Parents are still the most important people in a child life.

We can help our kids through this process.

We were promised won’t be easy. So, stay tuned next week for some practical tips to help you, as parents, survive the middle school years.

Do you have a kid starting out middle school? What changes have you noticed already?

 

Dan Scott works at Orange in New Product Development and is the Art Director and Large Group Director for 252 Basics. Dan and his wife Jenna have four amazing kids: Liam, Ellison, Addison, and Taye. You can read more from Dan on his blog, DanScottBlog.com, or on Twitter, @DanScott77.

The Role of Parents : “we are our children’s learning models”

The Role of Parents

Although a parent’s role in their children’s learning evolves as kids grow, one thing remains constant: we are our children’s learning models. Our attitudes about education can inspire theirs and show them how to take charge of their own educational journey.

Be a role model for learning. In the early years, parents are their children’s first teachers — exploring nature, reading together, cooking together, and counting together. When a young child begins formal school, the parent’s job is to show him how school can extend the learning you began together at home, and how exciting and meaningful this learning can be. As preschoolers grow into school age kids, parents become their children’s learning coaches. Through guidance and reminders, parents help their kids organize their time and support their desires to learn new things in and out of school.

Pay attention to what your child loves. “One of the most important things a parent can do is notice her child. Is he a talker or is he shy? Find out what interests him and help him explore it. Let your child show you the way he likes to learn,” recommends Dalton Miller-Jones, Ph.D.

Tune into how your child learns. Many children use a combination of modalities to study and learn. Some learn visually through making and seeing pictures, others through tactile experiences, like building block towers and working with clay. Still others are auditory learners who pay most attention to what they hear. And they may not learn the same way their siblings (or you) do. By paying attention to how your child learns, you may be able to pique his interest and explain tough topics by drawing pictures together, creating charts, building models, singing songs and even making up rhymes.

Practice what your child learns at school. Many teachers encourage parents to go over what their young children are learning in a non-pressured way and to practice what they may need extra help with. This doesn’t mean drilling them for success, but it may mean going over basic counting skills, multiplication tables or letter recognition, depending on the needs and learning level of your child. “There may be times to review, but don’t take on the role of drill master,” adds Diane Levin, Ph.D. ” And when you do review it should feel as if your child wants to be a part of the practice.”

Set aside time to read together. Read aloud regularly, even to older kids. If your child is a reluctant reader, reading aloud will expose her to the structure and vocabulary of good literature and get her interested in reading more. “Reading the first two chapters of a book together can help, because these are often the toughest in terms of plot,” notes Susan Becker, M. Ed. “Also try alternating: you read one chapter aloud, she reads another to herself. And let kids pick the books they like. Book series are great for reluctant readers. It’s OK to read easy, interesting books instead of harder novels.”

Connect what your child learns to everyday life. Make learning part of your child’s everyday experience, especially when it comes out of your child’s natural questions. When you cook together, do measuring math. When you drive in the car, count license plates and talk about the states. When you turn on the blender, explore how it works together. When your child studies the weather, talk about why it was so hot at the beach. Have give-and-take conversations, listening to your child’s ideas instead of pouring information into their heads.

Connect what your child learns to the world. Find age-appropriate ways to help your older child connect his school learning to world events. Start by asking questions. For example, ask a second-grader if she knows about a recent event, and what’s she heard. Then ask what she could do to help (such as sending supplies to hurricane victims). You might ask a younger child if he’s heard about anything the news, and find out what he knows. This will help your child become a caring learner.

Help your child take charge of his learning. “We want to keep children in charge of their learning and become responsible for it,” says Dalton Miller-Jones, Ph.D. “We want them to be responsible for their successes and failures, show them how engaging learning is, and that the motivations for learning should be the child’s intrinsic interests, not an external reward.”

Don’t over-schedule your child. While you may want to supplement school with outside activities, be judicious about how much you let or urge your child to do. Kids need downtime as much as they may need to pursue extra-curricular activities. “If a child has homework and organized sports and a music lesson and is part of a youth group in church or synagogue, it can quickly become a joyless race from one thing to another. Therefore, monitor your child to see that he is truly enjoying what he is doing. If he isn’t, cut something off the schedule,” advises Michael Thompson, Ph.D.

Keep TV to a minimum. “Watching lots of TV does not give children the chance to develop their own interests and explore on their own, because it controls the agenda,” advises Diane Levin, Ph.D. “However, unstructured time with books, toys, crafts and friends allows children to learn how to be in charge of their agenda, and to develop their own interests, skills, solutions and expertise.”

Learn something new yourself. Learning something new yourself is a great way to model the learning process for your child. Take up a new language or craft, or read about an unfamiliar topic. Show your child what you are learning and how you may be struggling. You’ll gain a better understanding of what your child is going through and your child may learn study skills by watching you study. You might even establish a joint study time.

Boundaries and Decisions – Thoughts for Parents of Young Teens

THOUGHTS FOR PARENTS OF YOUNG TEENS, PART 4

see part 1: doubts
and part 2: transition
and part 3: bored with church and god

Boundaries and Decisions

This research-proven truth may surprise you: Parents are still the number one influence in the lives of their teenagers. Many parents assume that with adolescence, the peer group takes the top influencer slot; or media; or something or someone else.teenage turtle

Here’s another fact that may surprise you even more: Young teens still want and need boundaries. Maybe you’re not surprised by the thought that they need boundaries; but the fact that they want them seems counter-intuitive to their regular spoken and unspoken demands for independence. Of course, unless uttered in sarcasm, you’ll never actually hear your student say, “Please, Mom, I want less freedom!”

You live this issue every day. Because the primary task of parenting a teenager is to foster healthy independence, the rub of boundary setting is in your face on a constant basis.

And it’s not that kids want (or need) a huge set of restrictions: instead, they want to know–with clarity–where the fences of their decision-making playground are placed.

Two extremes to avoid

The Cage. It’s very common (in fact, it’s increasingly common) for parents to be concerned about the world in which their young teen is growing up. It’s common–and good–for parents to be concerned about the fact that our culture is expecting kids to act older (and be exposed to “older things”) at a younger and younger age.

The good and appropriate motivation to protect your new teen, however, can easily result in an unhealthy restriction on growing up. Parents at this extreme keep the boundaries on decision-making and independence so close that teens never (or rarely) have the opportunity to make any real choices.

This extreme can stunt the emotional and spiritual growth of teens, keeping them from the essential learning that comes with good and bad decision-making. In other words: setting the boundaries too tight works counter-productively, keeping your teen from growing in maturity.

Free-Range. The opposing extreme is also common (though increasingly less so), and is possibly even more destructive. This comes from the often-exasperated parent who says: “I don’t know how much freedom to give my teen. He seems to want complete independence, and his friends seem to have that already. Since I don’t know where to draw the line, I’ll give him what he’s asking for: almost complete independence.”

I’m saddened and occasionally shocked by how many 12 year-olds have complete freedom in every decision other than the basics of life (shelter, food, car rides). These young teens are allowed, or even encouraged, to make every choice when it comes to things like: curfew, bedtime, music and movie intake, friendships, money-spending, clothing and appearance. I’m not suggesting a prudish approach to this list (anyone who knows me can vouch for that!). But remember what I said at the outset of this article: teens want and need boundaries!

The Goal

The challenging goal of parenting teens, then, becomes to provide ever-increasing boundaries, with freedom inside those boundaries to run wild and make decisions.

This is not just about maturation and growing up and becoming healthy whole independent adults (although that’s a pretty good list!). This is a spiritual task! For parents, this is a fulfillment of the spiritual task given to you by God: to raise whole and healthy independent adults (failure as a parent looks like a 28 year-old who is still dependent on his mommy).

It also has spiritual implications for your young teen: as she learns to make healthy decisions, in the semi-protected environment of the boundaries you set, she will gain courage and skill for the task of embracing a faith-system that needs to evolve and grow into her own.