parents_guide to giving the FIRST_cell_phone
There is a great debate about when to give your student their FIRST CELL PHONE.
The FREE EBOOK above is a helpful guide with tips and tricks to EASE YOU IN to the CELL PHONE CRAZE!
TRANSITION: Thoughts for Parents of Young Teens
see part 1: doubts
The young teen years summed up in one word: transition
Nikki is 11 years old, and in 6th grade. But she looks more like a 16 year-old. And I’ve had more than one mom comment to me that they would pay big money to have fingernails as nice as Nikki’s. But Nikki still loves to play with Barbie dolls. In fact, it’s not uncommon for her to bring a couple with her on youth group trips. The other kids tease her about it – but she’s naive enough to think they think it’s fun that Barbie is in tow. It’s not that Nikki is neither a child nor a teenager: she’s bits of both.
Then there’s a group of guys I used to call the “Punk Pokemons” (this was several years ago when Pokemon was big). Their group was five 8th grade guys – all taller than me – who were trying very hard to be tough. They wore baggy pants and spiked their hair. And they never smiled. Never. They were 100% committed to looking disinterested. But on a regular basis, they would gather in the back corner of our junior high room at church to trade Pokemon cards (those goofy little trading cards that were popular with kids at the time). It was hilarious to see the snarling wannabe tough guys saying things like, “I”ll give you two Pikachus for one Mewtwo.”
Nikki and the Punk Pokemons are in transition. Not quite adults, but not kids anymore either.
If you ask me to define the young teen years in one word, I’d have to use the word “transition.” Everything about the world of a young teen is somewhere in-between where they’ve been and where they’re headed.
The signs of “work in progress” show up in every area of a young teen’s life, including her faith. She’s finding that her “childish” faith system isn’t working anymore, faith-bit by faith-bit. She begins the search – sometimes consciously and proactively, sometimes not – for a richer, more complex adult faith system. And much of this is accomplished through experimentation.
Here’s what I mean: your young teen might show less interest in church, but more interest in spiritual things. By spiritual things, I don’t necessarily mean youth group retreats and the church children’s choir. For a young teen, the dimensions of the spiritual life are just opening up, and they’re noticing depth and spirituality in music, in movies, in TV shows, in conversations with friends, even listening in on adult conversation.
But they’re in transition! They’ll continue to have pieces of childish faith and elements of an adult faith at the same time. Just as you would never try to rush the physical growth of your child (by pumping them full of hormones or steroids), it’s a bad move to attempt to rush this spiritual transition also. But you can help them: by listening, discussing, staying open and not threatened. Watch for these signs of transition in faith, and ask open-ended, non-threatening questions to help them develop their faith-thinking.
Share more openly about your own spiritual journey: your longings and doubts, your hopes and a-ha moments, places where you’ve seen God active in your life in the past week.
And most of all: be aware that this transition means they won’t stay this way for long; so cherish this time!
Mark Oestreicher is a partner in The Youth Cartel, a veteran youth worker, and a parent of a 20 year-old daughter and 16 year-old son. He speaks frequently to parents, and is the author or co-author of six books for parents, including A Parents Guide to Understanding Teenage Guys, A Parents Guide to Understanding Teenage Girls, A Parents Guide to Understanding Teenage Brains, A Parents Guide to Understanding Social Media, A Parents Guide to Understanding Sex & Dating, and Understanding Your Young Teen. With his own “apprentice adults,” he co-authored a book for teenagers: 99 Thoughts on Raising Your Parents.
ENTOURAGE: Parent CUE
We’re Teaching This @ Fusion Sunday Bible Study 9:15am
When we hear the word entourage, most of us think of celebrities walking the streets of Beverly Hills, barking orders at their “people”—people that work for them or just get paid to hang out with them. By definition, an entourage isa group of people attending or surrounding an important person. Even if we don’t feel important, most of us want at least a handful of people who like to hang around us—people who laugh at our jokes, go to the movies with us, and simply have our back. King David, his son Absalom, and his grandson Rehoboam were no different. As royals, each had an entourage and through their experiences we see that the choices we make with those around us can change everything.
Think About This:
A quick internet search reveals the worries many parents feel when it comes to their student’s friends. “How to spot a bully”. “How to spot a bad influence”. “How to spot the wrong crowd”. There is plenty to worry about when it comes to your child’s friends. But what if you have more influence than you think? What if you were able to not only help your teen choose friends, but to directly influence the life choices those friends make?
More and more studies say you can.
A study published in the archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine suggests that teens with friends who have strict parents are less likely to binge drink and make other poor life choices.
http://fowler.ucsd.edu/parental_influence_on_substance_use.pdf
Think about that. The students in this study were most influenced by their friends’ parents, not just their friends. In fact, you probably don’t need a lot of research to know this. Have you ever heard someone say, “She is like a second mother to me”. Probably so. Many of us grew up with at least one set of friend’s parents who influenced us. Part of maturing is beginning to listen to multiple voices, multiple adult influences. As parents we have an incredible opportunity to speak into our own children’s lives by using our influence to guide their friends.
Having influence on your child’s friends doesn’t mean you have to be the “cool one”. It doesn’t mean you have to host or allow parties, throw caution to the wind, and be their best buddy. It also doesn’t mean you have to legally adopt them or have them over every night of the week. Having influence can be as simple as taking one step toward including a friend in your normal family plans.
- Invite them in. Invite your teen’s friends to spend time at your house. You don’t have to do anything special or make a five star dinner. For a lot of students, the concept of a normal (even boring) family dinner is almost unimaginable. Simply being in a home with someone other than their own parents can offer students a different perspective on things like marriage, work, family, and decision-making. So don’t feel the need to put on a show or have the most fun house on the block. Just allow someone else to be a part of your family once in a while. You may have more impact than you think.
- Invest in them. Invest time and energy in your teen’s friends. Talk with them, ask questions, and listen. Teens are often more likely to open up to other teens’ parents than their own. Do you know how to fix a car or bake a cake? Can you fish, play tennis, or scrapbook? Offer to show them! Sometimes the best conversations take place while working on something else. Chances are they’ll appreciate the new skill and your own student is more likely to join in if their friends are involved.
Try This:
Everyone wants their teen to be wise and intentional when it comes to friends. And the best way to teach that skill is to model it. Think about the friends your teen already spends time around. How intentional are you about investing time in those people? Are you using your influence to help that person in any way? Is there one teen you could invite to dinner, to hang out, or to be helpful?
- Use the spaces below to help you figure out how you can be intentional with your teen’s friends.
My teen spends the most time with…
1._____________________
2.______________________
3._____________________
One friend I can pray for this week is
_______________________
One friend I can invite and invest in this month is
______________________
Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.
XP3 Students: BUILD Parent CUE
XP3 Students: BUILD Parent CUE
BUILD: Parent CUE
We’re Teaching This:
What is the biggest challenge you’ve ever faced? Maybe it’s a basketball game against your archrival. Maybe it’s passing your math class. Maybe it’s just trying to get up and go to school on time. Whatever it is, you’re probably familiar with the little knot that forms in your stomach. The nerves. The feeling of being completely overwhelmed. The Bible tells the story of a guy named Nehemiah who was all too familiar with that feeling. In fact, it isn’t just one story—there’s a whole book in the Bible named after him. Growing up in service to a king in Babylon and then Persia, Nehemiah probably didn’t think his life would make much of a story. But when he learns that his family’s homeland is in ruins, something changes in Nehemiah. He decides to do something about it—to go there. To build. Nehemiah decided to face, head-on, the God-sized challenge of rebuilding the wall surrounding Jerusalem and creating a safe place for his people. And through his story, we may just find the tools we need to face the challenge of improving our town or our school. It’s time to build.
Think About This:
Where did you grow up? Was it a small town with little to do outside of farming. Or was it a big city with tall buildings and a public transit system? Or something in between? No matter where you grew up, one thing is for sure—it still affects you. Whether its in our taste for certain types of food, our comfort level with certain groups of people, or the dialect with which we speak, there are always traces of where we grew up tucked in the folds of our personality. And that’s a great thing! Environment is one of the things that God uses to mold us into unique individuals.
But does your student know that?
The reality is, life begins long before you move out on your own. Not only does their current town profoundly shape them, but it’s also the first place students will have the opportunity to invest themselves—to care, or to serve others. It’s the first place they learn to assign value to the people around them. What students learn in their hometown will be what they carry into every town after that.
So if our hometown is so important, why is it that so many of us get the idea that the real-world exists after high-school? And how can we teach our students to make the most of their time here?
Focus on now. College is coming. The real world is coming. But for today, your student is right here. While it’s important to talk about the future, we also need to fight the urge to talk only about what comes next. The truth is, if your student is in high school, he or she already has a limited amount of time left in your home and possibly in your town. By teaching them to use this time wisely and value the impact they can have right now, we are also teaching them a principle that they will take into their future. The principle of caring for where you live.
Try This
As parents, it’s easy to talk about the glory days of college or our experiences when we moved out on our own. Those stories are often more exciting or have better morals to them. But, even in our well meaning way, we sometimes accidentally communicate that our lives didn’t start until after we left home.
Try sharing a story of what it was like growing up where you lived as a student. Was it a big city or a small town? Was there a lot to do or were you often bored? Most importantly, in what ways does your hometown shape who you are today? As you share, you may just find your student starting to value his or her own experience more exactly where they are.
Get connected to a wider community of parents at www.orangeparents.org.
Three Benefits of Overcoming Fear
2Tim 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self‑discipline.
I have been thinking about this verse and what it means to us in this time of change. With change, there will always be unknown and unknown can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and FEAR. I want to challenge you as a follower of Christ in the midst of all that change to look past the fear and enjoy what 2 Timothy says are three powerful things in Christ.
- Pastor Ray has been talking about what leads us to a High Level on Sundays, and that is definitely a SPIRIT of POWER from Jesus Christ. You have the power to overcome sin, move past failure, and influence your family for the Kingdom of God.
- This leads to the BEST LOVE we could ever imagine. LOVE from Christ is totally selfless, full of POWER in JESUS, and seems to connect us in ways we never would have expected. Power to OVERCOME, LOVE to connect, and lastly
- Self-Discipline to actually make GOOD happen. We can become our own worst enemies as we try to set goals, check off tasks, or in my case, look at the sheet of paper a month later and throw it in the trash… AGAIN. What Self-Discipline from Jesus does is give us the power and Supernatural Wisdom to accomplish the life God is dreaming for us to pursue.
BE ENCOURAGED by GOD’S WORD and move past the fear of the unknown in the midst of the change.
Go to God and ask Him to fill you with POWER, LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE!
Love At Last Sight Challenge: BE ALL THERE
The Love as Last Sight Challenge has begun at Oakwood Baptist Church. For 30 days we are going to focus on adding value to our relationships using the practical insights Kerry and Chris Shook have given in the Love At Last Sight Book. I like the fact that we are taking a look at this challenge as an ART and not a SCIENCE. Relationships are messy and one relationship is not exactly like another because we are all uniquely created by God.
Check out this link for more details
Three Stages of Love – We have discovered in the book that there are three stages of love when it comes to the deep relationships around us.
- First Glance or infatuation stage – The Monkees added a great musical touch to this first stage of love. Here are the lyrics: I thought love was only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else but not for me.
Love was out to get me
That’s the way it seemed.
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.Then I saw her face, now I’m a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind.
I’m in love, I’m a believer!
I couldn’t leave her if I tried.I thought love was more or less a given thing,
Seems the more I gave the less I got.
What’s the use in tryin’?
All you get is pain.
When I needed sunshine I got rain.Then I saw her face, now I’m a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind.
I’m in love, I’m a believer!
I couldn’t leave her if I tried
- Second Look stage – you take a second look and usually it’s a harder second look and that’s the time where you ask, ”What did I ever see in you in the first place?” All you can see is the glaring differences you have. You say, they’re not like me at all. We’re just opposites. You see all of their annoying habits. I think Pop Stars and the Media-type relationships make it right up to this stage and BAIL!
3. Last Sight stage – Then there is the tried and true Love Stage. The goal is to think this, “The last time we see each other we will be more in love than ever before.”
I believe we are all looking for Last Sight Stage people to have in our lives. We crave people that really “get” us and know who we are. Someone that knows my heart won’t misunderstand me as much, right?
Think about it: What deep relationships and friendships do you have right now? Are you deeply hurt by someone close to you? Has your marriage lost that loving feeling? Maybe we all need a lesson on what it takes to reach the Last Sight Stage, where we are actually growing in our close relationships like never before.
If we are going to learn to love at last sight, a great place to focus is on Ephesians 5:1-2.
“Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are His dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered Himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.” Ephesians 5:1-2 (NLT)
Kerry Shook says, “The highest goal we can have this side of heaven is to love like Jesus Christ.
That’s a life-long journey of growing and developing rich, meaningful relationships. Jesus shows us what it will take to live a life of love. That’s why we’re told to follow the example of Christ if we are to live a life of love, a love that lasts. He paints a portrait of what God would have our relationships look like. Relationships are an art and the master artist who offers us the clearest picture of love is Jesus Christ. When you look at His life, His character and the relationships He shared with His Father and others, you see a perfect picture of love.”
This love at last sight thing is all about the art of relationships. The first art is The Art of Being All There, Wherever You Are – the Bible tells us that Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. You’ll never have to worry about Him not being all there for you when you call out to Him. Following His death and resurrection, He gave this assurance to His disciples and to us in Matt. 28:20, “… And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” He wanted them and us to be confident, “be sure of this” so that we would never doubt His presence. Even though we may not be able to see Him, He wanted us to know that He was with us. Faith simply believes that and says thanks! You’ll never have to pray what I’ve heard prayed so often in churches growing up, “Father, be with us today…” Why do we ask God that? Wasn’t it God who said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Heb. 13:5 (NIV)
So the first week challenge is to BE ALL THERE in your relationships each week of this Love At Last Sight Series. Something that has been helpful to me is the following scripture on love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It is not rude, it is not self‑seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
This is ultimately Last Sight Love. When we focus on the love of Christ, we put away our selfish pride and begin to focus on others.
How are you doing with the art of BEING ALL THERE?
Parent Resources 