Carrying the Gospel to the next generation

Pastor B Fall, Parent Cue

5 New Rules for Digital Parenting

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by John Acuff

I’m not a huge fan of exaggeration, so let me say as clearly as I can, “The entire world changes when your kid gets a smart phone.”

You think you know, oh you’ve read some articles or heard chit chat at dinner parties, but you have no idea what happens when your parenting goes digital. Up is down. Right is wrong. Cats befriend dogs. It’s a scene, man, it’s a real scene.

Alright, now that we’ve got the panic every parent feels out of the way, let’s talk practically for a minute.

In this phase, you have a critical role as a parent in developing technological responsibility in your kids. You can collaborate a plan to help your kids learn to respect limits and strengthen social abilities. You can’t expect your kids to intuitively know how to be responsible with technology, that’s why you set a few ground rules.

When your kids gets a smart phone, a lot of the rules you’ve always parented with are still in play. But, the amount of new situations you’ll face demand some creativity. That said, here are the 5 new rules we’re teaching our kids at the Acuff house:

1. Never unplug an adult’s phone

This one will seem silly right up until the moment you wake up and find that your phone didn’t charge over night. “That’s weird,” you’ll think, as you realize that a dead phone means you can’t take a quick look at today’s schedule, “I swear I plugged it in last night.” You did, but teens have a curious habit of unplugging whatever phone is in the way of recharging their own. They don’t see it as “battery life,” they see it as simply “life.” Implement this rule before you miss a morning meeting because your dead phone meant a dead alarm clock, too.

2 Answer the phone

Have you ever called your kid on the phone and been sent to voicemail? Have you ever waited hours for a text message response? Have you ever had the sneaking suspicion they turned on the “Do Not Disturb” feature? They did. They turned the ringer off too. Eventually we had to talk with our daughter to clarify why she had a phone in the first place. The purpose of her phone was so that we could communicate. Sure, it has games and a camera and a million functions, but first and foremost, your phone is a phone. (How crazy is it that we have to remind each other that phones can still make and receive calls.) If you want better communication with your kids, use this rule.

3. Don’t mess with water

Going to the neighborhood pool with your friends? Leave your phone at home. Going to a water park with girls from your Bible study? Leave your phone at home. Rafting down a small river at a birthday party? Leave your phone at home. Will you miss a few photos? Sure, but you’ll have a phone that works for years as opposed to all the teens (and adults) who have been forced to hope a bowl of rice would fix a computer that’s been dropped in a creek.

4. You’re in charge of your battery life

“I would have called you, but my phone was dead.” First, brilliant move on the kid front. Hard to argue and certainly this is an excuse I couldn’t make when I was a kid. In 1984, I couldn’t have told my dad, “I would have called you, but the Johnsons have this weird home phone that they have to charge every night.” Now, though, juice maintenance is a chore each phone owner in our house has to take responsibility for. My wife Jenny got so frustrated that everyone kept stealing and losing power cords that she bought a 12-pack. Let me repeat that sentence because I don’t think you heard me. My wife bought a dozen power cords. Teach your kids battery responsibility.

5. Don’t play Pokemon in the street

This one is really simple and yet, you’d be surprised how often a rare Pokemon appears in a busy intersection.

The world of parenting is changing quickly. Tomorrow, some new technology is going to demand that we come up with some brand new rules. Until then, guard your power cord, make sure the ringers are on, and watch out for Pikachu.

It’s a jungle out here

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Pastor B Parent Cue

What Makes You Happy Parent Cue

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We’re Teaching This Sept 11, 18, 25

What makes you happy? Or what would make you happy? That’s probably an easy question. Everyone’s got something. We all daydream about a trouble-free life made possible by something: a car, a house, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a spring break trip, or just a pile of money. We all have something that could fill in the blank, I’d be happy if ________. And, we all spend time going after those things. Thinking about them. Planning for them. Hoping for them. Maybe even praying for them because, on some level or another, we all want to be happy. But isn’t it true that even when we get what we want, we aren’t happy for long? Pretty soon, we start daydreaming about something new. If happiness is the goal, why is it so hard to hang on to? And what do we do when the very things we think will make us happy end up making us miserable? In this series, we begin to ask the question, what makes you happy? And, one thing we’ll find is that Jesus cares a lot about our happiness. Not only that, through His words, we’ll discover that where we find happiness may be different than we thought—having to do less with a what, and more with a Who and, maybe even a who or two.

Think About This:

by Sandra Stanley

“Who in the world told my kids they could have a life of their own?” I remember regularly thinking this while our kids were teenagers. Just when we hit an awesome parenting stride (and by awesome I mean I was pretty much in control of their schedules and daily details, and made sure none of it actually conflicted with MY important plans), they started individuating and making plans of their own.
As parents, this is the season in our teenagers’ lives where we begin to battle two conflicting emotions: the urge to take back control and the desire to become buddies. Both usually originate from legitimate motives. For the former, we don’t want them to fail and we believe we hold the keys to preventing that. For the latter, we want them to like us during a chunk of years when they possibly won’t. Both are tempting. But ultimately, both are a disservice to them.
Since our kids are entering a new season of life, a new parenting approach has to be considered. For their sake, we need to loosen the tight reigns of the training years and move to the sidelines for coaching. Coaches don’t the leave the field. They don’t get distracted with other stuff. They watch carefully, call some plays, and pull their players off of the field from time to time. They have no immediate goals of keeping their players happy. Mostly, they encourage their players to run the plays and respond to situations according to the training they’ve received.

Transitioning to the coaching role wasn’t intuitive for me. Disciplining and training had become ingrained. For me, the switch was easier when I began to think about it, and my kids, in terms of being for them. I wanted them to know, “I’m for your physical safety, I’m for your emotional health, I’m for your relational success, I’m for your mental and spiritual development, I’m for you making it to the end of these middle school years, or high school years, with as few regrets as possible. You’re the player, but I’m not afraid to pull you aside for tweaks, corrections, and sometimes sitting out a game. I’m for you. I know you can do this, and I’m here to help when you need it.”
Resisting the urge to control and not caving to the desire to prematurely make friendship a priority brings health to a family. Coaching our kids through those middle and high school years, in spite of a few regrets here and there, is the stuff rich relationships are made of later. In hindsight, I’ve been pleasantly surprised. My kids gaining “a life of their own” has truly broadened and enriched mine!

From Parenting Teenagers Part 3: A Life of Their Own. For more from Sandra, check out SandraStanley.com.
To connect to a wider community of parents,
check out www.parentcue.org.

Try This:

What would it look like in your family for you to move to a coaching role with your kids? Think about it. Maybe coaching your family right now means you step back to the sideline and let them make some decisions on their own. Or maybe the opposite is true. Maybe it’s time for you to move back onto the field and coach them actively at this phase where they need you the most.
This week, choose one area where you kid is ready to grow and make a game plan for them to step into independence in that area. It could be with cell phones or chores or curfews or dating or money or just about anything else. But take the time to decide with them what steps they need to make in order to gain more freedom in an area where they want it most.
If they want more freedom with money, help them make a budget. More freedom with cell phones? Have them show you they can handle the responsibility that comes with it. You get the idea. Then let them know…
1. I am for you in this area. I want you to win with money, with your cell phone, with your dating life. The goal for me, as your parent, is that you gain more freedom and more happiness over time.
2. There are steps you must take. Because I’m for you, you won’t be given total freedom over night. But here are the specific steps you can take today to get to the next level of freedom tomorrow.
3. There will be course corrections. Each time you make wise choices, you’ll get more of what you want, but we know you’re learning and you may make mistakes. When you do, we’ll have to change the plan a bit, meaning each time you make dangerous or unwise choices, you will lose some freedom for a while.

Pastor B Culture, Fall, MS Leaders, Parent Cue

Why We Can’t Ignore the Lowest Birthrates in US History

Why We Can’t Ignore the Lowest Birthrates in US History

Do you know the current birth rate in America today? The U.S. fertility rate fell to the lowest point since record keeping started more than a century ago, according to statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

That’s almost unbelievable.

In 1909, the government began keeping track of what’s called the fertility rate. The general fertility rate is the number of births out of 1,000 women between the ages of 15 to 44. The U.S. birth rate dipped in 2011 to the lowest ever recorded, led by a plunge in births to immigrant women since the onset of the Great Recession. According to CNN, the first three months of 2016 saw fertility rate in the U.S. fall to its lowest level; 59.8 births per 1,000 women.

While this trend is intriguing, I just read the latest statistic, which stopped me in my tracks.

As of last month, August 2016, America had the lowest birth rate of any point in recorded history. Lower than the Seniors, the Builder Generation, the Baby Boomers, Generation X or the Millennials. Women are choosing something other than raising children as a path to the life they want.

What Does This Mean?

Family

There has been a real shift in our view of children and parenting over the last decade. The Millennial Generation is the largest generation in U.S. history, at 80 million strong. (They’re young adults today). Right in the middle of their generation, more children were born in America in 1991 than any other year in recorded history. Today, however, we’ve swung to our lowest fertility and birth rates—just as the largest generation in history steps into the typical age of parenting.

So, why are we not having kids?

1. Women are choosing careers over kids.

Millions of families now believe they cannot enjoy the standard of living they want without two incomes in the home. Additionally, many women would say they enjoy a career more than they’d enjoy raising a child—and it’s tough to do both.

2. The economy often restricts couples from having children.

Sometimes the choice not to have children (or to have less children) is not just about the desire for an affluent standard of living. Some couples would say they simply cannot afford to bring another person into their family and provide for them.

3. Many are choosing a single life, instead of a family.

I’ve written before on the growing number of people living and dining alone. While this may lead to lots of new realities, one certain reality is the difficulty of having a child in the home with no caring adult to raise it. Hence, fewer kids.

4. Parenting children is, perhaps, the most taxing task an adult can do.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It requires patience and resilience, strength and emotional intelligence—at least if you want to do it well. In today’s world, that’s a trade off many don’t want to make. It’s just hard work.

Can we ponder the various outcomes of this reality?

What This Means to Us . . .

Study the nations around the world that are not replacing the adult population, and you can see trouble ahead. For years, many of us have watched Japan’s birth rate drop—and lead to fears over whether they’ll be enough young people to fund the millions who are retiring, much less the economy’s need to produce. Japan sells more adult diapers than baby diapers. Last year, Germany passed up Japan as the nation with the lowest birth rate. A study, reported by the BBC, says Germany’s birth rate has slumped to the lowest in the world, prompting fears that labor market shortages will damage the economy. Not far behind are Portugal and Italy.

Is America heading in this direction, with a sagging economy already?

In our nation, we are experiencing “two hills and two valleys.” In other words, two generations are very large, while two generations are much smaller. The retiring generation (Boomers) are 76 million strong. They are retiring at a rate of 10,000 a day. Generation X is smaller in size. (This generation started with the birth control pill). Next, the Millennials number 80 million in size, currently the largest generation in American history. But today, Generation Z is much smaller again, numbering about 59 million, depending on what year you believe their generation began.

Globally, the nations that have the highest birth rates are developing nations. Most of them can be found in Africa, with Niger at the top of the list. So, countries that are economically developed are not having as many babies. But the poorest seem to be having the most babies—89.7% of people under 30 live in developing economies, particularly in the Middle East and Africa. This could be trouble for our world economy as well as our ability to educate and prepare them to compete in the marketplace.

Our “To Do” List

  1. Let’s be intentional about parenting and educating the children we currently have.
  1. Let’s find ways to help educate and mentor children and families in poor nations.
  1. Let’s find ways (if possible) to live on less and raise larger families very well.
  1. Let’s explore adopting children who need good homes and families.
  1. Let’s see the big picture and make the most of every young person around us.

To be clear, just because the fertility rate is decreasing, it doesn’t necessarily mean the US population is going to shrink. The rate of growth may be slower, but the population is still expected to increase, according to CNN. I am certain, however, that our future depends on how well we parent and educate our children today.

 

Pastor B Parent Cue, Summer

Passing Down Faith-Filled Life, Not Trial-Free Life

Passing Down Faith-Filled Life, Not Trial-Free Life

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Check out the ParentCue.org

Do you remember the first time your child was in harm’s way? I remember the time my oldest kicked a bright bouncy ball and landed on her head on the concrete. I remember when my youngest got her feelings hurt by a friend and cried real tears, not whiny tears.

I’ve watched my kids hurt many times, and it stinks.

My knee-jerk reaction is to protect, hover, block, or tattle. Basically do anything to prevent my children from feeling pain.

The same goes with their faith. I want them to fall in love with Jesus and frankly never walk away, while at the same time never experiencing hardship. And then I realize I love them too much to desire a trial-free life. I remember my biggest moments of personal and spiritual growth were during my trials.

Bringing faith to life in our home is a great privilege. I’m encouraged that we don’t have to have a perfect life to pass down a faith-filled life. He has got this. Our role is to simply teach them what we already know and to continue learning and sharing more day by day as we grow.

You don’t have to have a perfect life to pass down a faith-filled life to your kids.

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 You can make a difference even if you’re only one second ahead of your children in your own journey to know Jesus Christ better.

Your fear and your uncertainty can show them God’s grace and mercy.
Your mistakes can teach them forgiveness.
Your strengths can shine a spotlight on God’s blessings and gifts.
Your daily ordinary tasks can become extraordinary opportunities to reach the hearts of your children.

Is anyone with me? Let’s slowly unpeel our grips and give God the chance to show up in the midst of trials. It’s hard to imagine, but He loves our kids even more than we do.

Check out Courtney DeFeo’s Blog right here

Courtney DeFeo is a popular blogger, the creator of ABC Scripture Cards, which are sold nationwide, and the author of “In This House We Will Giggle”. A graduate of Auburn University, she has a background in marketing and public relations and has worked for Ketchum Public Relations and Chick-fil-A. Courtney and her husband, Ron, currently live in Orlando, FL and are the parents of two young girls, Ella and Larson. You can read more from Courtney on her blog, Lil Light O’ Mine.
Pastor B Culture, Oakwood, Parent Cue

Teaching Middle Schoolers About God: How to Be More Strategic and Relational

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Check out the Just A Phase Blog and Resources here

]Ok, let’s do some math.

More than likely, the average six graders who are coming to your church will actually come less than 50 percent of the time.

That means they’ll likely spend about 25 hours in your church this year.

Of those 25 hours at least 30 percent will be spent:

  • Getting into the room
  • Saying “hi” to friends
  • Playing games
  • Updating social media
  • Saying “bye” to friends

So that means they’ll actually experience less than 20 hours of teaching or small group interaction in a given year.

The reality is that your middle schoolers will use their smartphone more in one week than they will attend your church in one year.

Related: 35 Reasons My Middle Schooler Might Be Freaking Out

So, here’s the question: If you have less than 20 times to connect to a sixth grader this year, what are you going to teach them? How are you going to influence the spiritual direction of the average child or teenager when you only have a few minutes every other week? READ ON

Pastor B Culture, Parent Cue, Spring

Monday in the Life of a Middle Schooler

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Check out http://justaphase.com/oc16/monday-in-the-life-of-a-middle-schooler/

Monday in the Life of a Middle Schooler

“You can’t speak the truth in love if you don’t love who you are speaking to.” – Reggie Joiner

EMPATHY BEGINS WHEN WE UNDERSTAND THIS PHASE

What was life like for you as a middle schooler?
What is life like for middle schoolers today?

SIXTH GRADE

Crisis: Puberty – the turning point
Questions: Who do I like? Who likes me?
Goal: Provide stability.

SEVENTH/EIGHTH GRADE

Crisis: Self-Awareness – the turning point
Questions: Who am I?
Goal: Help them discover uniqueness.

This is where empathy begins:
knowing and loving our middle schoolers.
And empathy is where influence begins.

Understanding our people helps us minister effectively and maximize our influence.

SINCE MONDAY IS COMING…

We need to affirm their personal journey.

A MIDDLE SCHOOLER IS AFFIRMED WHEN…

  • They are known.
  • They are loved and liked.
  • They are listened to more than they are talked to.
  • They are met at their level.
  • They get quality time with you.

*Affirmation is the fuel a middle schooler needs to face Monday.*

HOW CAN WE EQUIP MIDDLE SCHOOLERS FOR MONDAY?

  • Remind them they belong.
  • Give them Biblical teaching in a relevant way
  • Match them with a leader who will check-in with them during the week
  • Encourage them to lean into their community.
  • Pray for them regularly
  • Give them starting points so they can draw close to Jesus on their own
  • Utilize social media to encourage throughout the week

MONDAY IS COMING….

“For this reason, I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” – Ephesians 3:14-19

KATIE EDWARDS
Middle School Pastor at Saddleback Church
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