Category: Oakwood

Pastor B Oakwood, Parent Cue, Winter

Leading Your Kids To Serve – Parent Cue

Leading Your Kids to Serve

by | Nov 4, 2016 | ,

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I grew up hating church. I didn’t have any theological problems with church, I was just bored. Sitting still for more than ten minutes was torture, and sometimes our services went on for two hours! The worst part is that my dad was the pastor, so we were there every time the door was open. And the door was open a lot: Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night.

Sometimes we had “revivals” (which I assumed was a Greek word for “torture young children”) It meant going to a church service every night of the week. My number one goal was to grow up and not go to church. My number two goal was to be an astronaut, but I figured that would get me out of church as well.

Several decades later, and I still attend church almost every weekend. How did I wind up right back at the place I loathed? There are a few reasons:

One is a strong conviction that, as flawed as it is, the local church is the hope of the world.

Another reason I never left the church is that something changed in me between elementary school and when I left for college.

My attention span didn’t increase; I still struggle to sit still for more than ten minutes. The big change for me was that in middle school, I began serving in the church; I joined the children’s ministry puppet team.

For the first time church wasn’t something I watched, it was something I did. I was part of a team, and we enjoyed what we did. Eventually, I became a leader in the student ministry. And by the time I graduated from high school, I was speaking on a regular basis at our weekly high school gatherings.

Serving transformed me from a reluctant spectator to an engaged participant. 36 years later, and I’m still committed to the local church.

I saw the same pattern in my own kids. When they were young, we had to drag them to church. But in middle school, when they began to serve, their attitudes changed. By the time they graduated from high school, they were each spending more time serving at church than my wife and me, and we were both on the church staff. Today each of them serve full time at their local church.

As a parent, one of the biggest things you can do to help your children connect with God and with the local church is to model and encourage a lifestyle of serving. Here are a few ideas how to get started:

Find serving opportunities as soon as possible

It is never too early to sow the seeds of a servant’s attitude in the hearts of your children. Reward them when they help pick up the toys at home. Encourage them to offer to help their teacher clean up when class is over at church. Always look for ways they can begin serving others.

Invite your children to serve with you

Volunteer to serve regularly in their class at church, and invite them to help you. They can help pick up toys, hand snacks, and clean up when the other kids are gone. If you serve in a younger class, invite your older kids to help.

Help them find a place to serve on their own

When my daughter was in middle school, she began teaching herself to play the guitar. It quickly became apparent she had a lot of natural ability, but she was too shy to ask if she could play in the middle school band. I talked the youth pastor into inviting her to play, and that opportunity still shapes how she serves. There are many places in your church where your middle school kids can serve; children’s ministry, greeters, ushers, musicians, vocalists are just a few. Don’t be shy about asking adult leaders how they can involve your kids in serving.

Make serving a part of the rhythm of your house

One of the reasons I began serving in church is it was just a regular part of who we were as a family. My dad, my mom, my brothers and my sister all served in the local church, and serving took the highest priority.

As you look at your family schedule and all the activities you juggle on a weekly basis, which are most likely to have a long term impact on the spiritual development of your children? Baseball? Cheerleading? Chemistry homework? Learning a lifetime of serving others?

I believe, and have seen in my own family, few things in life have a more positive impact than learning to serve.

Pastor B Culture, Fall, MS Leaders, Oakwood, Parent Cue, Parent Online Class

IS the NextGen More Cautious online??? – 7 GenZ statistics Every Adult Should Know

Here is the first statistic…
1. Social Media Preferences
Statistic: “Generation Z prefers social networks like
Snapchat, Secret and Whisper, and a quarter of 13-
to 17-year-olds left Facebook in 2014”
Generation Z’s social media habits have shifted in the wake of a Millennial-infused culture. Whereas Millennials posted everything about their lives with little regard to the consequences, Genera-
tion Z is much more cautious. Generation Z is moving away quickly from social media platforms with “Timelines” like Facebook and Twitter, and headed toward platforms that are more associated with what’s happening now.
Platforms like Snapchat, Secret, and Whisper, allow them to share without being tracked, and tell their story—without worrying about being judged (or not hired) by anything other than their
most recent posts. The greatest irony is that the things young members of Generation Z post on these newer platforms have not evaporated. Everything on the internet still leaves a trail.
Question to Consider
  • How can you best use social media to connect with Generation Z?
  • What can this statistic tell you about what your Generation Z students value in an online experience?
Source:
“This Gen Z Infographic Can Help Marketers Get Wise to
the Future” by Adweek (http://bit.ly/1pVh8EN)
Pastor B Culture, Fall, Oakwood, Parent Cue, Uncategorized

Reckless, Foolish, Social Media Generation

As we end our Middle School Series talking about Social Media and how it impacts our real lives, I came across one of the most RECKLESS and FOOLISH Social Media stunts I have ever seen that happened this past week!

We have been talking about how God created us in His Image and referenced Ephesians 2:10 in the NLT:

“10For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.:”

We focused on how being God’s Masterpiece is a greater place to find self-worth, than from the likes we get on Instagram or Snap Chat.

We also looked at the fact that it is so much easier to tear down, rather than build up, especially when we are thumbing through pictures and reacting in the moment.  The challenge is to make an impact by being confident in Christ and turning the tide from negativity online to positive encouragement.

This last week in our series, we are looking at a Proverb from chapter 14:

“16 The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.”
Can Wisdom be found on Social Media???  Can we find a way to be cautious and avoid danger that might impact our real lives when posting a fun picture or crazy video?
We definitely found the RECKLESS CONFIDENCE and this video is a great representation on how our Social Media habits can catch up to us in real life!
Our challenge to students is to do three things
PAUSE – Ask, is this the wisest thing to post right now?
ASK – If you are not sure it is wise, ASK SOMEONE.
BACK UP – It’s better to be SAFE than SORRY by backing up and not posting something immediately.
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Pastor B Fall, Oakwood, Parent Cue

The WHO in the HOW Middle School Parent Cue

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October Series – WE’RE TEACHING THIS

Science is fascinating. Even if it isn’t your favorite subject in school, you have to admit it’s pretty interesting stuff. Believe it or not, some of the things you’re learning right now in middle school science class are things people have been debating for decades. And, if you’re a Christian, sometimes those debates can make it seem as though what you learn about science and what you believe about God are completely different things. It’s almost as if they’re on totally different teams! Kind of like there’s a God Team and a Science Team and eventually you’re just going to have to pick a side. That’s a pretty scary thought, right? But what if you didn’t have to actually choose between faith and science? What if the two actually go hand in hand? The truth is, believing something we learn in science class doesn’t mean we have to question our faith in God. In fact, science can actually point us back to God. And that’s exactly what this series is all about! We’ll take a look at some of the big questions about God and science and see just how well the two actually go together. When we remember to include the Who—God—behind the how—science—we’ll see that not only is science not the opposite of faith, it can actually be a catalyst to strengthen it.

THINK ABOUT THIS
By Carey Nieuwhof

So your kid comes up to you and asks, “Dad, how do we know there’s a God?” And you…freeze. You say something like, “Because I believe there’s a God,” or “We just know,” or “Because there is,” or “Because the Bible says God exists.”
Then your kid does what every kid does: he asks you another question. A tough one. Like Why? The little-kid routine of asking why seventeen times in a row can really expose how little you know as an adult.
Then, in your mind, you fast-forward a few years into middle school when your kid is suddenly asking about dinosaurs, the Big Bang, and Confucius, and you start to have a nervous breakdown. So, how do you respond?
Here are five principles that have helped me navigate faith and questions not only from my kids but also from my experience as a pastor of a local church:

1. DON’T ASSUME CURIOSITY IS SKEPTICISM.
One of the impulses every Christian parent feels is that questions automatically lead to disbelief. No, they don’t. Not automatically. Actually, great questions can lead to deeper belief. But it’s just way too easy to assume that curiosity is skepticism. Curiosity is not skepticism. It’s curiosity.

2. DON’T DISMISS THE QUESTION WITH TRITE ANSWERS.
One of the worst things you can do is answer any faith question with a simplistic answer like, “Well, we just have to believe,” or “Because it’s true.” I’ve done that before. Not helpful. Your twelve-year-old suspects two things when you answer that way:
•Christianity doesn’t stand up to questions or advanced thinking.
•There are actually no answers to his question.
Both are mistakes.

3. DON’T OVER-ANSWER THE QUESTION.
An equally bad response is to show up the next day with a dozen theology textbooks and a scheduled Skype interview with one of the world’s foremost Old Testament professors. That’s a bit of overkill for your middle schooler. So, what should you do? Answer the question at the level the questioner is asking it.
Your daughter may just want to know that you believe, and an honest, “You know honey, there are a lot of reasons to believe in God—I’ve experienced Him myself, personally…and that’s one of the reasons I believe,” might be a great response.
Your daughter might just say, “Thanks.” Or she might ask another question, which you could then answer. In the teen years, you might do a Bible or book study together.
Don’t under-answer a question, or over-answer it.

4. DON’T ASSUME ANSWERS WILL SATISFY THE QUESTIONER.
I have a seminary degree. And a law degree. I can research things half-decently. And I’m an okay preacher.
I’ve done sermons where I have researched my head off and preached my heart out on the subject of why a good God allows bad things to happen, only to have someone ask me a few days later “So . . . why do you think God allows bad things to happen?”
In those moments, I want to scream. But those moments teach me something. Often, people aren’t actually looking for an intellectual answer. Instead, their question is coming out of their personal story. So, flip the conversation. Question the questioner, as Ravi Zacharias says. Ask them why they ask.
The person asking the question might tell you his wife is sick and they can’t find a cure. Or your third-grader son might say, “I want to know why that one kid in our class gets picked on all the time.” Then go have a conversation about that.

5. MAKE YOUR HOME A GREAT PLACE TO RAISE DOUBTS.
Remember that your kids will eventually have doubts. Why? Because you do. Because I do. Because we all do. Faith is not the absence of doubts. It’s the presence of belief in the midst of doubt.
In her research, Dr. Kara Powell has discovered that the biggest reason kids who grew up in the church lose their faith as adults is not doubt. It’s unexpressed doubt.
If you make your home a place where questions aren’t welcome, your kids are going to take their questions elsewhere. And where will they take them? Probably to a place that won’t give them the answers you’re hoping for.
So, decide ahead of time as a parent that you won’t freak out when your kid questions you and questions God. Or your teenager tells you that Christianity isn’t different than any other religion. Thank them for the question. Explore it with them. Ask them questions. And reach out to a wider circle of influence that can help them process what they’re going through.
Make your home a safe place where doubts can be expressed. You just might foster belief as a result.

Connect to a wider community of parents at
http://www.theparentcue.org.

TRY THIS
It’s okay if you’re not in the habit of having conversations with your middle schooler about their faith questions. You don’t need to deep-dive into the waters of doubt on your first attempt. Instead, start small.
1.  ASK.     Start, maybe, by asking what they talked about at church this week…without asking, “So what did you talk about at church today?” Here are a few other ways to start that conversation.
•“I heard you’re talking about science in church! Can you tell me about it?”                                                                                                                                                                                                                             •“What’s one thing you heard taught at church this week that you’d never heard before?”
•“Tell me one thing you talked about during small group this week.”

If you think you’re ready to dig a little deeper, here are a few more questions you can try.
•“On a scale of 1-10, how important is your faith to you?”
•“If you could ask God one question and know you’d get an answer, what would you ask?”
•“I’ve been thinking. What do you think is the hardest part about following Jesus?”
2.  LISTEN.     Practice active listening to let your middle schooler know you value what they have to say. Put down your phone and make eye contact. Resist the urge to plan your next response (or your shopping list). Be present.
3.  RESPOND.     No matter how your middle schooler has answered your question, keep the conversation going. Share your own experiences, questions, and doubts. And if what they say surprises you, freak out on the inside but stay calm on the outside.
Remember, your middle schooler doesn’t need a parent who has all the answers, but they do need a safe place to ask their questions. The way you invite conversation, respond to their questions, and react to their doubts today may determine whether or not they’ll share with you their even bigger questions tomorrow, or next month, or next year. So this week, ask one more question, listen just a little more closely, and try having a conversation instead of an answer.

Pastor B Culture, MS Leaders, Oakwood, Parent Cue

Five Questions to Ask Yourself About Leading Teens

Five Questions to Ask Yourself About Leading Teens

This past month, I was encouraged and entertained by teenagers who symbolized two completely different perspectives on life. I thought you’d enjoy them too, and perhaps learn what they teach us about adolescents today. I offer these two case studies below. Fasten your seatbelt.

Case Study One: Can You Post a Better Photo?

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photo credit: 16.01.09 :: Haaaaaaa via photopin (license)

An 18-year-old girl who had escaped from an Australian correctional center responded to police after her mug shot was posted on Facebook. Did she turn herself in? Did she confess to what she’d done? Was she ready to come clean?

Nope. She simply wanted them to use a better photo of her on-line.

Yep, she did. She asked them to please use a prettier picture of her and even provided one for them to use. When Amy Sharp had escaped from Surry Hills Corrective Services Cell Complex on August 19th, police immediately posted mug shots of her, so people in the community could be on the lookout for her. That’s when Amy saw the photos and felt she didn’t look good enough. It wasn’t the kind of representation she was hoping for. So . . . she sent them a better picture. Perhaps it was a selfie, who knows?

Amy Priorities?

Too often, Amy represents a population of teens who’ve bought into society’s values: style over substance. I’m sorry, Amy, but isn’t the mug shot the least of your worries? When did image become more important than integrity? Our culture unwittingly tells us: looking good is more important than doing good.

Case Study Two: Can We Have a Job?

Four young teens approached Zsa Zsa Heard, who works at the La Grange Housing Authority (in Georgia), and asked if she knew of any jobs they could do this summer. When Ms. Heard asked them why they wanted to work, she assumed they wanted to make a few extra bucks. They told her, however, that gang members were approaching them all the time, wanting them to join. They knew that would lead to trouble. So, they wanted to find work—to keep them out of trouble.

She hired all four of them on the spot.

The four teens, Dennis, Dylik, Jalen and Deion began working in construction, helping in the community garden, passing out mail and tending the chicken coup. And it’s paid off. Not only have they done what they’ve been asked to do, they’re now catching a vision for their future careers, after learning about construction and livestock.

The Young Men’s Priorities? 

They want to do something that matters. They need opportunities and guidance, but they actually want to serve our community. What they need are adults (like Ms. Heard) who immediately spot their craving for meaning and productivity and satisfy it. She didn’t “give them something for nothing,” but she offered an opportunity to earn money as they used their gifts, time and energy.

Where do they get these perspectives?

Our Report Card: Five Test Questions

Where do our young adults pick up their attitudes and paradigms? You already know, don’t you? It’s from the world around them. Amy Sharp was conditioned to be consumed with improving her social media presence, instead of correcting her behavior. Dennis, Dylik, Jalen and Deion somehow understood that gang membership is a dead end street, but job experience is a path that leads to a goal. At their fork in the road, they talked each other into stepping into the Housing Authority and seeking out jobs.

Let me suggest five questions we should ask ourselves as educators and parents:

After Observing Your Students:

  1. What societal message do you see they’ve bought into?
  1. What opportunities could satisfy their need for growth and maturity?
  1. What incentives can you offer them to help them move in a healthy direction?
  1. What direction and wisdom will you provide for them?
  1. What one small step could send them in the right trajectory?

I love the story of the vacationers who visited an old village in Austria years ago. Upon meeting a local, the guests asked if any famous people had been born there. The local resident smiled and replied, “Nope, only babies.”

He was right. Every kid begins as a clean slate. They are soft clay with which to be molded by artists. What they become has a lot to do with the perspective we have offered them growing up. Let’s get this right.

Click the here for more articles from Tim Elmore

Pastor B Culture, Oakwood, Parent Cue

Teaching Middle Schoolers About God: How to Be More Strategic and Relational

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Check out the Just A Phase Blog and Resources here

]Ok, let’s do some math.

More than likely, the average six graders who are coming to your church will actually come less than 50 percent of the time.

That means they’ll likely spend about 25 hours in your church this year.

Of those 25 hours at least 30 percent will be spent:

  • Getting into the room
  • Saying “hi” to friends
  • Playing games
  • Updating social media
  • Saying “bye” to friends

So that means they’ll actually experience less than 20 hours of teaching or small group interaction in a given year.

The reality is that your middle schoolers will use their smartphone more in one week than they will attend your church in one year.

Related: 35 Reasons My Middle Schooler Might Be Freaking Out

So, here’s the question: If you have less than 20 times to connect to a sixth grader this year, what are you going to teach them? How are you going to influence the spiritual direction of the average child or teenager when you only have a few minutes every other week? READ ON

Pastor B Culture, Oakwood, Spring, Students, Uncategorized

Generation iY – Tim Elmore

Source: Generation iY – Tim Elmore

One of the most significant discoveries researchers have made on both Millennials and Generation Z (kids growing up since the dawn of the 21st century) is that they have been conditioned to fear failure. Some kids are so paralyzed by the thought of failing, they’ll do anything to avoid it:

  • Quit the team.
  • Cheat on a test.
  • Lie about their results.
  • Never try in the first place.

According to one study, conducted by Bilkent University in Turkey, this fear of failure has gone global in 21st century students. The study found that the “fear of failure at school can negatively affect a student’s motivation and attitude to learn.”

The researchers asked over 1,000 high school and college students to complete surveys about their motivation to learn and the strategies they employed. In the end, they discovered that kids who feared failure at an early age were more likely to create goals to validate their ego rather than help them grow and develop. These students were also less likely to utilize “effective learning strategies” and “more likely to cheat.”

Ouch. Did anyone see this coming?

In 2003, research performed by Wiley Periodicals noted that one of three psychological variables that hinder adolescents’ levels of school engagement was the fear of failure. Hmmm. I think I see a pattern here.

The Golden Gate Paradox

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There is a great story that informs how we should lead students through this awful fear and liberate them from it. (I share it in my book, Twelve Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid.) In 1933, when the Golden Gate Bridge was being built, the crew fell behind on their deadlines. One of the workers had fallen to his death causing his colleagues to work more slowly each day for fear it might happen again. Finally, one worker approached the supervisor and asked if a net could be placed underneath the men to prevent them from dying if they fell. The supervisor was apprehensive to take the time to do this because they were already behind schedule. But, alas, he agreed and a net was hoisted into position. Suddenly, the men worked faster and more efficiently—actually speeding up the completion of the bridge. What enabled them to work faster and better? Removing the fear of failure. Suddenly, it was safe to try what they had feared before.

I call this the Golden Gate Paradox. Once the workers were liberated from the fear of failure—they could fall without fatality—they worked and succeeded better than ever. And faster then ever. Without the fear of failure, they failed less. The bridge was finished. The foreman met his deadline. The workers were safe. Everyone won.

In the end, people (especially students) need safety nets in order for them to welcome failure as part of the learning process. Safety nets are:

  • Motivating. (They want to jump in, take risks and initiate action.)
  • Liberating. (They feel free to explore, learn and grow without worry.)

What makes this “safety net” act challenging for staff and faculty is removing student’s fear of failure without neglecting to teach the reality of consequences. In other words, far too often we adults have rescued students from their failures, and they never learn to navigate or face the consequences for their mistakes.

Leaders must be dispensers of grace, allowing followers to fail forward, and not quit or flunk out when mistakes are made. This actually enables them to succeed more often and more quickly. However, leaders must also condition followers to weigh out the ramifications for their decisions and actions. So we must balance both:

  • Safety (It’s OK to fail as you learn).
  • Reality (Every action has an outcome).

Suggestions for Safety Nets

Here are some ideas you can tweak to perform the Golden Gate Paradox:

  1. Start by telling stories of your failures, without celebrating them. Liberate the students by revealing that you failed at some past ventures and lived to tell about it. In fact, you learned.
  2. Communicate the boundaries for their mistakes and don’t remove every consequence. Ease them into the new scenario; let them push the envelope.
  3. Host a course called “Failure 101.” More than one school has initiated such a class especially for students who fear it. It’s all about learning from failure.
  4. When possible, offer second chances for fearful students. Many adults are so angry at Gen iY kids, they remove all second chances. This is ultimately harmful.
  5. Gradually, condition them to welcome failure as part of their learning. Expose them to responsibility as they gain more autonomy. These two go together.
  6. Find out what they fear the most and address it. Perhaps they fear looking bad or disappointing mom. Once you help them identify it, address the cause.

Let’s hoist some safety nets and watch our students flourish.

– See more at: http://growingleaders.com/blog/category/generation-iy/#sthash.6BSOqUpA.dpuf