Category: Parent Cue

Pastor B MS Leaders, Oakwood, Parent Cue, Winter

Why Did Jesus Wash Feet???

Exerpt from the Article – The Creator On His Knees (Maundy Thursday)

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Article by

Tony Reinke

 Staff writer, desiringGod.org

The Passage We Are Munching On this Week

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Why Did Jesus Wash Feet???

We are asking that question due to the fact that Jesus literally washed feet.  If we are to literally follow in His footsteps, we might have the grand idea to start some sort of Mani-Pedi business for the Glory of God!  However, any educated person will soon realize that the act of washing the feet is an example. Jesus clearly wanted his Disciples within the account of John 13 and now the Disciples in our present time to take away more than just the act of washing stinky feet of those that didn’t really want to have their feet washed by the TEACHER.

AHHHHH, TEACHER!  Now, that sounds like a verbal cue that we can work with!  That is why we keep coming back to the Word of God and keep learning.  We know that Jesus is still teaching us today and had way deeper implications to his actions than the common, literal approach.

I really like what Tom Reinke’s Article says about the connection between Slaves and Foot Washing that ties in a deeper understanding that Jesus may have been teaching by His actions, leading to the Cross. (read Tom Reinke’s full article here)

Slaves and Foot Washing

For the sandal-wearing disciples, washing feet was a common cultural practice. It was proper hospitality to offer your guests a basin of water for their feet. But guests were usually expected to wash their own feet. Washing the dirt off someone else’s feet was a task reserved for only the lowest ranking Gentile servants, and Jewish slaves were often exempted from this duty. In a household without slaves, everyone washed his or her own feet.1

Yet Jesus willingly dropped to his knees in the position of this extra-lowly slave to wash the disciples’ feet in John 13:1–20. The disciples were immediately shocked, and it seems, embarrassed by this act of humility. But their surprise should be no surprise to us. “There is no instance in either Jewish or Greco-Roman sources of a superior washing the feet of an inferior.”2 And this was the Creator of the universe on his knees washing the dirt from the callused feet of his followers!

When Simon Peter refused to have his feet washed, Jesus said, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand” (John 13:7). Whatever the meaning of the foot washing, it was not immediately evident to the disciples. The washing provided an example of love towards one another (John 13:12–17), but it also forecasted something.

Hold that thought for one moment.

Slaves and Crucifixion

If foot washing was the task of the lowest slave, public crucifixion was a unique threat to the slave class. With few exceptions, Roman citizens and the upper classes were spared from crucifixion. Slaves were especially vulnerable.

Crucifixion was a public tool to discourage dishonesty, retaliation, and rebellion among the slave class.3 In 71 B.C., after a slave rebellion was suppressed in Spartacus, over 6,000 slaves were crucified together along the Via Appia between Capua and Rome.4 In other instances, if one slave was caught breaking the law, the entire slave community within a single household could be rounded up and crucified together, irrespective of individual guilt.5

So while the brutal punishment of crucifixion was used for dangerous criminals and for political insurrectionists (of which Jesus was accused), it was especially used to intimidate the slave class. Public crucifixions kept slaves in line. So much so that crucifixion eventually became known by a convenient circumlocution, “the slaves’ punishment.”

Slavery and crucifixion merged in the social consciousness, writes one author:

It is hardly an accident that crucifixion, the most dishonorable form of public humiliation that socially conscious Roman elites could employ in their efforts to punish and discourage rebellion among the lower classes, was so closely associated with slavery, the lowest class in the stratified social world of Roman antiquity. The juxtaposition of the two ideas — σταυρός [cross] and δούλος [slave] — served to compound the social stigma associated with both slavery and crucifixion in the ancient world and thereby to reinforce in the public arena the social hierarchy that served the interests of the dominant culture.6

Think Deeper and Look broader

Taking this view, we can look at what we are munching on and think with a broader view.

If Jesus, our Lord and Savior, has stepped down to the lowest place as that of a slave or servant, then we ought to step down to the lowest place as a slave or servant to Jesus Christ and serve others. 

This is is the challenge in our own lives.  As Jesus asked His Disciples to follow His example in John 13, He also calls us to do the same.  Why did Jesus wash feet?  To show us how to live a life that invites the Kingdom of God to come in our own lives and let the Father’s will be done in our present time.

Pastor B Oakwood, Parent Cue, Winter

Leading Your Kids To Serve – Parent Cue

Leading Your Kids to Serve

by | Nov 4, 2016 | ,

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I grew up hating church. I didn’t have any theological problems with church, I was just bored. Sitting still for more than ten minutes was torture, and sometimes our services went on for two hours! The worst part is that my dad was the pastor, so we were there every time the door was open. And the door was open a lot: Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night.

Sometimes we had “revivals” (which I assumed was a Greek word for “torture young children”) It meant going to a church service every night of the week. My number one goal was to grow up and not go to church. My number two goal was to be an astronaut, but I figured that would get me out of church as well.

Several decades later, and I still attend church almost every weekend. How did I wind up right back at the place I loathed? There are a few reasons:

One is a strong conviction that, as flawed as it is, the local church is the hope of the world.

Another reason I never left the church is that something changed in me between elementary school and when I left for college.

My attention span didn’t increase; I still struggle to sit still for more than ten minutes. The big change for me was that in middle school, I began serving in the church; I joined the children’s ministry puppet team.

For the first time church wasn’t something I watched, it was something I did. I was part of a team, and we enjoyed what we did. Eventually, I became a leader in the student ministry. And by the time I graduated from high school, I was speaking on a regular basis at our weekly high school gatherings.

Serving transformed me from a reluctant spectator to an engaged participant. 36 years later, and I’m still committed to the local church.

I saw the same pattern in my own kids. When they were young, we had to drag them to church. But in middle school, when they began to serve, their attitudes changed. By the time they graduated from high school, they were each spending more time serving at church than my wife and me, and we were both on the church staff. Today each of them serve full time at their local church.

As a parent, one of the biggest things you can do to help your children connect with God and with the local church is to model and encourage a lifestyle of serving. Here are a few ideas how to get started:

Find serving opportunities as soon as possible

It is never too early to sow the seeds of a servant’s attitude in the hearts of your children. Reward them when they help pick up the toys at home. Encourage them to offer to help their teacher clean up when class is over at church. Always look for ways they can begin serving others.

Invite your children to serve with you

Volunteer to serve regularly in their class at church, and invite them to help you. They can help pick up toys, hand snacks, and clean up when the other kids are gone. If you serve in a younger class, invite your older kids to help.

Help them find a place to serve on their own

When my daughter was in middle school, she began teaching herself to play the guitar. It quickly became apparent she had a lot of natural ability, but she was too shy to ask if she could play in the middle school band. I talked the youth pastor into inviting her to play, and that opportunity still shapes how she serves. There are many places in your church where your middle school kids can serve; children’s ministry, greeters, ushers, musicians, vocalists are just a few. Don’t be shy about asking adult leaders how they can involve your kids in serving.

Make serving a part of the rhythm of your house

One of the reasons I began serving in church is it was just a regular part of who we were as a family. My dad, my mom, my brothers and my sister all served in the local church, and serving took the highest priority.

As you look at your family schedule and all the activities you juggle on a weekly basis, which are most likely to have a long term impact on the spiritual development of your children? Baseball? Cheerleading? Chemistry homework? Learning a lifetime of serving others?

I believe, and have seen in my own family, few things in life have a more positive impact than learning to serve.

Pastor B Culture, Fall, MS Leaders, Oakwood, Parent Cue, Parent Online Class

IS the NextGen More Cautious online??? – 7 GenZ statistics Every Adult Should Know

Here is the first statistic…
1. Social Media Preferences
Statistic: “Generation Z prefers social networks like
Snapchat, Secret and Whisper, and a quarter of 13-
to 17-year-olds left Facebook in 2014”
Generation Z’s social media habits have shifted in the wake of a Millennial-infused culture. Whereas Millennials posted everything about their lives with little regard to the consequences, Genera-
tion Z is much more cautious. Generation Z is moving away quickly from social media platforms with “Timelines” like Facebook and Twitter, and headed toward platforms that are more associated with what’s happening now.
Platforms like Snapchat, Secret, and Whisper, allow them to share without being tracked, and tell their story—without worrying about being judged (or not hired) by anything other than their
most recent posts. The greatest irony is that the things young members of Generation Z post on these newer platforms have not evaporated. Everything on the internet still leaves a trail.
Question to Consider
  • How can you best use social media to connect with Generation Z?
  • What can this statistic tell you about what your Generation Z students value in an online experience?
Source:
“This Gen Z Infographic Can Help Marketers Get Wise to
the Future” by Adweek (http://bit.ly/1pVh8EN)
Pastor B Culture, Fall, Oakwood, Parent Cue, Uncategorized

Reckless, Foolish, Social Media Generation

As we end our Middle School Series talking about Social Media and how it impacts our real lives, I came across one of the most RECKLESS and FOOLISH Social Media stunts I have ever seen that happened this past week!

We have been talking about how God created us in His Image and referenced Ephesians 2:10 in the NLT:

“10For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.:”

We focused on how being God’s Masterpiece is a greater place to find self-worth, than from the likes we get on Instagram or Snap Chat.

We also looked at the fact that it is so much easier to tear down, rather than build up, especially when we are thumbing through pictures and reacting in the moment.  The challenge is to make an impact by being confident in Christ and turning the tide from negativity online to positive encouragement.

This last week in our series, we are looking at a Proverb from chapter 14:

“16 The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.”
Can Wisdom be found on Social Media???  Can we find a way to be cautious and avoid danger that might impact our real lives when posting a fun picture or crazy video?
We definitely found the RECKLESS CONFIDENCE and this video is a great representation on how our Social Media habits can catch up to us in real life!
Our challenge to students is to do three things
PAUSE – Ask, is this the wisest thing to post right now?
ASK – If you are not sure it is wise, ASK SOMEONE.
BACK UP – It’s better to be SAFE than SORRY by backing up and not posting something immediately.
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Pastor B Fall, Parent Cue, Students

Prayer is about KNOWING SOMEONE, not GETTING SOMETHING

prayerisaboutknowingsomeone

Prayer Devotional from Know God – A 28 Day Devotional for Students

 Did you know that octothorpe is the name of the # symbol on a phone? It doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as “hashtag.”  Ladies, did you have a Barbie growing up? Did you know her full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts? So regal. Did you know there’s a town in Georgia named Santa Claus? A Monkey’s Eyebrow, Kentucky? And a No Name, Colorado?

Names are a big deal. Branding companies make millions of dollars every year helping businesses come up with the right name. Expectant parents spend countless hours debating potential names for their kids. Imagine a world where no one had a name. Boring, right? And confusing. It’s almost as if our names carry the weight of who we are.

When Jesus talked about prayer during His famous Sermon on the Mount, He gave us an example of how our prayers should look. We creatively call this “The Lord’s Prayer.” In this prayer, Jesus began with God’s name:

 “This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed

be your name’” (Matthew 6:9).

This introduction to The Lord’s Prayer tells us two things:

  1. Start by calling God, “Father.”

Just as a child can freely approach a good father, we can approach our perfect Father in heaven. The way we think about God affects how we approach Him. And the way we approach God is so important that Jesus began His prayer by mentioning it—approach God as your loving Father. It doesn’t mean you have to literally call him Father every time you pray. It means you simply acknowledge that God loves you and will respond to you like a loving father would respond to his children.

  1. Continue by honoring His name.

Prayer should start with God—not with us. God’s name carries a lot of weight. He deserves to be recognized and admired. Spend some time thinking about who God is before you starting telling Him everything you need. Prayer shouldn’t just be about us and our wish lists. Prayer reminds us who God is.

Let’s take a few minutes and turn our attention to God.

READ PSALM 96 OUT LOUD TO HELP YOU FOCUS ON GOD. WRITE DOWN THREE THINGS THAT ARE TRUE ABOUT GOD:

1.

2.

3.

 

Today, when you spend some time in prayer, thank God for how awesome He is and for all the great things He has done. You might want to talk to Him about the things you wrote down, or read Psalm 96 back to Him.

Pastor B Culture, Fall, Parent Cue

Brace Yourself, Social Media Is Headed Your Way

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Check out More articles by Jon Acuff Here

I used to think only parents of high school students had to focus on social media. I assumed that until my kids hit high school, it wasn’t a topic I’d have to think about often as a parent. I didn’t think I’d get a free pass until 9th grade, but there was some naïve, optimistic belief inside me that assumed I wouldn’t have to deal with it in 6th grade.

I was wrong.

My daughter started middle school a few weeks ago and I’ve had to let go of a lot of the misconceptions I had about technology and students. Case in point, the other day my daughter told me that students at her middle school started “couple accounts on Instagram.” For a few minutes I pretended I understood what that meant, but as she explained it, what she said caught me off guard.

Apparently, a couple account is when someone anonymously opens an Instagram account designed to propose couples who could date. The owners of the account grab photos from other students’ profiles and then slap them together on Instagram. People who follow the account then vote in the comments on whether the two people shown would make a good couple.

Can you guess what happens?

When you create something like this, it’s only a matter of time until someone says, “She’s too ugly for him” or “He’s a loser and she’s too popular for him. They’d make a bad couple.”

I’m 39 and sometimes when complete strangers on the Internet say mean things about me, it hurts my feelings. Now imagine you’re a 6th grade girl, and a group of 8th graders who go to your school say you’re ugly on Instagram.

Whenever you criticize social media, a segment of culture is quick to point out all the amazing things it offers. And I agree with that. I’m a huge fan of the many opportunities social media makes possible for all of us. I genuinely believe it can positively impact most aspects of our lives.

As a parent though, I’m starting to pay better attention. As a parent, I’m starting to realize a 6th grader’s heart wasn’t built to be criticized publicly and instantly on social media platforms. As a parent, I’m starting to see both the good and the bad sides of technology.

If you’ve got kids, social media is coming for you. Meet it head on, with hope and caution, because you’re going to need both.

 

Pastor B Fall, Oakwood, Parent Cue

The WHO in the HOW Middle School Parent Cue

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October Series – WE’RE TEACHING THIS

Science is fascinating. Even if it isn’t your favorite subject in school, you have to admit it’s pretty interesting stuff. Believe it or not, some of the things you’re learning right now in middle school science class are things people have been debating for decades. And, if you’re a Christian, sometimes those debates can make it seem as though what you learn about science and what you believe about God are completely different things. It’s almost as if they’re on totally different teams! Kind of like there’s a God Team and a Science Team and eventually you’re just going to have to pick a side. That’s a pretty scary thought, right? But what if you didn’t have to actually choose between faith and science? What if the two actually go hand in hand? The truth is, believing something we learn in science class doesn’t mean we have to question our faith in God. In fact, science can actually point us back to God. And that’s exactly what this series is all about! We’ll take a look at some of the big questions about God and science and see just how well the two actually go together. When we remember to include the Who—God—behind the how—science—we’ll see that not only is science not the opposite of faith, it can actually be a catalyst to strengthen it.

THINK ABOUT THIS
By Carey Nieuwhof

So your kid comes up to you and asks, “Dad, how do we know there’s a God?” And you…freeze. You say something like, “Because I believe there’s a God,” or “We just know,” or “Because there is,” or “Because the Bible says God exists.”
Then your kid does what every kid does: he asks you another question. A tough one. Like Why? The little-kid routine of asking why seventeen times in a row can really expose how little you know as an adult.
Then, in your mind, you fast-forward a few years into middle school when your kid is suddenly asking about dinosaurs, the Big Bang, and Confucius, and you start to have a nervous breakdown. So, how do you respond?
Here are five principles that have helped me navigate faith and questions not only from my kids but also from my experience as a pastor of a local church:

1. DON’T ASSUME CURIOSITY IS SKEPTICISM.
One of the impulses every Christian parent feels is that questions automatically lead to disbelief. No, they don’t. Not automatically. Actually, great questions can lead to deeper belief. But it’s just way too easy to assume that curiosity is skepticism. Curiosity is not skepticism. It’s curiosity.

2. DON’T DISMISS THE QUESTION WITH TRITE ANSWERS.
One of the worst things you can do is answer any faith question with a simplistic answer like, “Well, we just have to believe,” or “Because it’s true.” I’ve done that before. Not helpful. Your twelve-year-old suspects two things when you answer that way:
•Christianity doesn’t stand up to questions or advanced thinking.
•There are actually no answers to his question.
Both are mistakes.

3. DON’T OVER-ANSWER THE QUESTION.
An equally bad response is to show up the next day with a dozen theology textbooks and a scheduled Skype interview with one of the world’s foremost Old Testament professors. That’s a bit of overkill for your middle schooler. So, what should you do? Answer the question at the level the questioner is asking it.
Your daughter may just want to know that you believe, and an honest, “You know honey, there are a lot of reasons to believe in God—I’ve experienced Him myself, personally…and that’s one of the reasons I believe,” might be a great response.
Your daughter might just say, “Thanks.” Or she might ask another question, which you could then answer. In the teen years, you might do a Bible or book study together.
Don’t under-answer a question, or over-answer it.

4. DON’T ASSUME ANSWERS WILL SATISFY THE QUESTIONER.
I have a seminary degree. And a law degree. I can research things half-decently. And I’m an okay preacher.
I’ve done sermons where I have researched my head off and preached my heart out on the subject of why a good God allows bad things to happen, only to have someone ask me a few days later “So . . . why do you think God allows bad things to happen?”
In those moments, I want to scream. But those moments teach me something. Often, people aren’t actually looking for an intellectual answer. Instead, their question is coming out of their personal story. So, flip the conversation. Question the questioner, as Ravi Zacharias says. Ask them why they ask.
The person asking the question might tell you his wife is sick and they can’t find a cure. Or your third-grader son might say, “I want to know why that one kid in our class gets picked on all the time.” Then go have a conversation about that.

5. MAKE YOUR HOME A GREAT PLACE TO RAISE DOUBTS.
Remember that your kids will eventually have doubts. Why? Because you do. Because I do. Because we all do. Faith is not the absence of doubts. It’s the presence of belief in the midst of doubt.
In her research, Dr. Kara Powell has discovered that the biggest reason kids who grew up in the church lose their faith as adults is not doubt. It’s unexpressed doubt.
If you make your home a place where questions aren’t welcome, your kids are going to take their questions elsewhere. And where will they take them? Probably to a place that won’t give them the answers you’re hoping for.
So, decide ahead of time as a parent that you won’t freak out when your kid questions you and questions God. Or your teenager tells you that Christianity isn’t different than any other religion. Thank them for the question. Explore it with them. Ask them questions. And reach out to a wider circle of influence that can help them process what they’re going through.
Make your home a safe place where doubts can be expressed. You just might foster belief as a result.

Connect to a wider community of parents at
http://www.theparentcue.org.

TRY THIS
It’s okay if you’re not in the habit of having conversations with your middle schooler about their faith questions. You don’t need to deep-dive into the waters of doubt on your first attempt. Instead, start small.
1.  ASK.     Start, maybe, by asking what they talked about at church this week…without asking, “So what did you talk about at church today?” Here are a few other ways to start that conversation.
•“I heard you’re talking about science in church! Can you tell me about it?”                                                                                                                                                                                                                             •“What’s one thing you heard taught at church this week that you’d never heard before?”
•“Tell me one thing you talked about during small group this week.”

If you think you’re ready to dig a little deeper, here are a few more questions you can try.
•“On a scale of 1-10, how important is your faith to you?”
•“If you could ask God one question and know you’d get an answer, what would you ask?”
•“I’ve been thinking. What do you think is the hardest part about following Jesus?”
2.  LISTEN.     Practice active listening to let your middle schooler know you value what they have to say. Put down your phone and make eye contact. Resist the urge to plan your next response (or your shopping list). Be present.
3.  RESPOND.     No matter how your middle schooler has answered your question, keep the conversation going. Share your own experiences, questions, and doubts. And if what they say surprises you, freak out on the inside but stay calm on the outside.
Remember, your middle schooler doesn’t need a parent who has all the answers, but they do need a safe place to ask their questions. The way you invite conversation, respond to their questions, and react to their doubts today may determine whether or not they’ll share with you their even bigger questions tomorrow, or next month, or next year. So this week, ask one more question, listen just a little more closely, and try having a conversation instead of an answer.

Pastor B Culture, MS Leaders, Oakwood, Parent Cue

Five Questions to Ask Yourself About Leading Teens

Five Questions to Ask Yourself About Leading Teens

This past month, I was encouraged and entertained by teenagers who symbolized two completely different perspectives on life. I thought you’d enjoy them too, and perhaps learn what they teach us about adolescents today. I offer these two case studies below. Fasten your seatbelt.

Case Study One: Can You Post a Better Photo?

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photo credit: 16.01.09 :: Haaaaaaa via photopin (license)

An 18-year-old girl who had escaped from an Australian correctional center responded to police after her mug shot was posted on Facebook. Did she turn herself in? Did she confess to what she’d done? Was she ready to come clean?

Nope. She simply wanted them to use a better photo of her on-line.

Yep, she did. She asked them to please use a prettier picture of her and even provided one for them to use. When Amy Sharp had escaped from Surry Hills Corrective Services Cell Complex on August 19th, police immediately posted mug shots of her, so people in the community could be on the lookout for her. That’s when Amy saw the photos and felt she didn’t look good enough. It wasn’t the kind of representation she was hoping for. So . . . she sent them a better picture. Perhaps it was a selfie, who knows?

Amy Priorities?

Too often, Amy represents a population of teens who’ve bought into society’s values: style over substance. I’m sorry, Amy, but isn’t the mug shot the least of your worries? When did image become more important than integrity? Our culture unwittingly tells us: looking good is more important than doing good.

Case Study Two: Can We Have a Job?

Four young teens approached Zsa Zsa Heard, who works at the La Grange Housing Authority (in Georgia), and asked if she knew of any jobs they could do this summer. When Ms. Heard asked them why they wanted to work, she assumed they wanted to make a few extra bucks. They told her, however, that gang members were approaching them all the time, wanting them to join. They knew that would lead to trouble. So, they wanted to find work—to keep them out of trouble.

She hired all four of them on the spot.

The four teens, Dennis, Dylik, Jalen and Deion began working in construction, helping in the community garden, passing out mail and tending the chicken coup. And it’s paid off. Not only have they done what they’ve been asked to do, they’re now catching a vision for their future careers, after learning about construction and livestock.

The Young Men’s Priorities? 

They want to do something that matters. They need opportunities and guidance, but they actually want to serve our community. What they need are adults (like Ms. Heard) who immediately spot their craving for meaning and productivity and satisfy it. She didn’t “give them something for nothing,” but she offered an opportunity to earn money as they used their gifts, time and energy.

Where do they get these perspectives?

Our Report Card: Five Test Questions

Where do our young adults pick up their attitudes and paradigms? You already know, don’t you? It’s from the world around them. Amy Sharp was conditioned to be consumed with improving her social media presence, instead of correcting her behavior. Dennis, Dylik, Jalen and Deion somehow understood that gang membership is a dead end street, but job experience is a path that leads to a goal. At their fork in the road, they talked each other into stepping into the Housing Authority and seeking out jobs.

Let me suggest five questions we should ask ourselves as educators and parents:

After Observing Your Students:

  1. What societal message do you see they’ve bought into?
  1. What opportunities could satisfy their need for growth and maturity?
  1. What incentives can you offer them to help them move in a healthy direction?
  1. What direction and wisdom will you provide for them?
  1. What one small step could send them in the right trajectory?

I love the story of the vacationers who visited an old village in Austria years ago. Upon meeting a local, the guests asked if any famous people had been born there. The local resident smiled and replied, “Nope, only babies.”

He was right. Every kid begins as a clean slate. They are soft clay with which to be molded by artists. What they become has a lot to do with the perspective we have offered them growing up. Let’s get this right.

Click the here for more articles from Tim Elmore

Pastor B Fall, Parent Cue

5 New Rules for Digital Parenting

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by John Acuff

I’m not a huge fan of exaggeration, so let me say as clearly as I can, “The entire world changes when your kid gets a smart phone.”

You think you know, oh you’ve read some articles or heard chit chat at dinner parties, but you have no idea what happens when your parenting goes digital. Up is down. Right is wrong. Cats befriend dogs. It’s a scene, man, it’s a real scene.

Alright, now that we’ve got the panic every parent feels out of the way, let’s talk practically for a minute.

In this phase, you have a critical role as a parent in developing technological responsibility in your kids. You can collaborate a plan to help your kids learn to respect limits and strengthen social abilities. You can’t expect your kids to intuitively know how to be responsible with technology, that’s why you set a few ground rules.

When your kids gets a smart phone, a lot of the rules you’ve always parented with are still in play. But, the amount of new situations you’ll face demand some creativity. That said, here are the 5 new rules we’re teaching our kids at the Acuff house:

1. Never unplug an adult’s phone

This one will seem silly right up until the moment you wake up and find that your phone didn’t charge over night. “That’s weird,” you’ll think, as you realize that a dead phone means you can’t take a quick look at today’s schedule, “I swear I plugged it in last night.” You did, but teens have a curious habit of unplugging whatever phone is in the way of recharging their own. They don’t see it as “battery life,” they see it as simply “life.” Implement this rule before you miss a morning meeting because your dead phone meant a dead alarm clock, too.

2 Answer the phone

Have you ever called your kid on the phone and been sent to voicemail? Have you ever waited hours for a text message response? Have you ever had the sneaking suspicion they turned on the “Do Not Disturb” feature? They did. They turned the ringer off too. Eventually we had to talk with our daughter to clarify why she had a phone in the first place. The purpose of her phone was so that we could communicate. Sure, it has games and a camera and a million functions, but first and foremost, your phone is a phone. (How crazy is it that we have to remind each other that phones can still make and receive calls.) If you want better communication with your kids, use this rule.

3. Don’t mess with water

Going to the neighborhood pool with your friends? Leave your phone at home. Going to a water park with girls from your Bible study? Leave your phone at home. Rafting down a small river at a birthday party? Leave your phone at home. Will you miss a few photos? Sure, but you’ll have a phone that works for years as opposed to all the teens (and adults) who have been forced to hope a bowl of rice would fix a computer that’s been dropped in a creek.

4. You’re in charge of your battery life

“I would have called you, but my phone was dead.” First, brilliant move on the kid front. Hard to argue and certainly this is an excuse I couldn’t make when I was a kid. In 1984, I couldn’t have told my dad, “I would have called you, but the Johnsons have this weird home phone that they have to charge every night.” Now, though, juice maintenance is a chore each phone owner in our house has to take responsibility for. My wife Jenny got so frustrated that everyone kept stealing and losing power cords that she bought a 12-pack. Let me repeat that sentence because I don’t think you heard me. My wife bought a dozen power cords. Teach your kids battery responsibility.

5. Don’t play Pokemon in the street

This one is really simple and yet, you’d be surprised how often a rare Pokemon appears in a busy intersection.

The world of parenting is changing quickly. Tomorrow, some new technology is going to demand that we come up with some brand new rules. Until then, guard your power cord, make sure the ringers are on, and watch out for Pikachu.

It’s a jungle out here

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We’re Teaching This Sept 11, 18, 25

What makes you happy? Or what would make you happy? That’s probably an easy question. Everyone’s got something. We all daydream about a trouble-free life made possible by something: a car, a house, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a spring break trip, or just a pile of money. We all have something that could fill in the blank, I’d be happy if ________. And, we all spend time going after those things. Thinking about them. Planning for them. Hoping for them. Maybe even praying for them because, on some level or another, we all want to be happy. But isn’t it true that even when we get what we want, we aren’t happy for long? Pretty soon, we start daydreaming about something new. If happiness is the goal, why is it so hard to hang on to? And what do we do when the very things we think will make us happy end up making us miserable? In this series, we begin to ask the question, what makes you happy? And, one thing we’ll find is that Jesus cares a lot about our happiness. Not only that, through His words, we’ll discover that where we find happiness may be different than we thought—having to do less with a what, and more with a Who and, maybe even a who or two.

Think About This:

by Sandra Stanley

“Who in the world told my kids they could have a life of their own?” I remember regularly thinking this while our kids were teenagers. Just when we hit an awesome parenting stride (and by awesome I mean I was pretty much in control of their schedules and daily details, and made sure none of it actually conflicted with MY important plans), they started individuating and making plans of their own.
As parents, this is the season in our teenagers’ lives where we begin to battle two conflicting emotions: the urge to take back control and the desire to become buddies. Both usually originate from legitimate motives. For the former, we don’t want them to fail and we believe we hold the keys to preventing that. For the latter, we want them to like us during a chunk of years when they possibly won’t. Both are tempting. But ultimately, both are a disservice to them.
Since our kids are entering a new season of life, a new parenting approach has to be considered. For their sake, we need to loosen the tight reigns of the training years and move to the sidelines for coaching. Coaches don’t the leave the field. They don’t get distracted with other stuff. They watch carefully, call some plays, and pull their players off of the field from time to time. They have no immediate goals of keeping their players happy. Mostly, they encourage their players to run the plays and respond to situations according to the training they’ve received.

Transitioning to the coaching role wasn’t intuitive for me. Disciplining and training had become ingrained. For me, the switch was easier when I began to think about it, and my kids, in terms of being for them. I wanted them to know, “I’m for your physical safety, I’m for your emotional health, I’m for your relational success, I’m for your mental and spiritual development, I’m for you making it to the end of these middle school years, or high school years, with as few regrets as possible. You’re the player, but I’m not afraid to pull you aside for tweaks, corrections, and sometimes sitting out a game. I’m for you. I know you can do this, and I’m here to help when you need it.”
Resisting the urge to control and not caving to the desire to prematurely make friendship a priority brings health to a family. Coaching our kids through those middle and high school years, in spite of a few regrets here and there, is the stuff rich relationships are made of later. In hindsight, I’ve been pleasantly surprised. My kids gaining “a life of their own” has truly broadened and enriched mine!

From Parenting Teenagers Part 3: A Life of Their Own. For more from Sandra, check out SandraStanley.com.
To connect to a wider community of parents,
check out www.parentcue.org.

Try This:

What would it look like in your family for you to move to a coaching role with your kids? Think about it. Maybe coaching your family right now means you step back to the sideline and let them make some decisions on their own. Or maybe the opposite is true. Maybe it’s time for you to move back onto the field and coach them actively at this phase where they need you the most.
This week, choose one area where you kid is ready to grow and make a game plan for them to step into independence in that area. It could be with cell phones or chores or curfews or dating or money or just about anything else. But take the time to decide with them what steps they need to make in order to gain more freedom in an area where they want it most.
If they want more freedom with money, help them make a budget. More freedom with cell phones? Have them show you they can handle the responsibility that comes with it. You get the idea. Then let them know…
1. I am for you in this area. I want you to win with money, with your cell phone, with your dating life. The goal for me, as your parent, is that you gain more freedom and more happiness over time.
2. There are steps you must take. Because I’m for you, you won’t be given total freedom over night. But here are the specific steps you can take today to get to the next level of freedom tomorrow.
3. There will be course corrections. Each time you make wise choices, you’ll get more of what you want, but we know you’re learning and you may make mistakes. When you do, we’ll have to change the plan a bit, meaning each time you make dangerous or unwise choices, you will lose some freedom for a while.