Category: Culture

Pastor B Culture, Parent Cue, Spring, Students

How to Build Lasting Integrity in Kids

Icebergs and Ice Cubes

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An iceberg has been used over and over again by instructors to illustrate hidden realities. We often talk about the “tip of the iceberg” meaning there’s a larger amount of unseen substance than what’s visible. It’s an analogy. The iceberg is one of our most popular Habitudes® images when we teach leadership to students.

It has everything to do with integrity.

I believe the ten percent that lies above the water line represents our skills. They’re visible. Everyone can see them. But, they’re only the tip of our influence. The 90 percent that lies beneath the surface represents our character. And it’s always what is below the surface that sinks the ship.

Consider the Titanic for a moment. That tragic shipwreck that killed hundreds of people on board wasn’t due to the tip of the iceberg. It was that massive amount that’s invisible. It’s true about most failures in life, as well. I don’t know anyone who’s derailed their life with a technique flaw. I do, however, know several people who’ve derailed their career or their marriage or their friendships due to a character flaw.

When we teach our children character, (whether they’re six or sixteen), we cultivate substance beneath the surface. It can’t be seen, but in the long run it will surely impact the substance and direction of their lives. It’s invisible but important. The fact is, the majority of our influence lies in qualities beneath the surface.

My guess is—you’re a parent who wants to raise your children to be people with integrity. You want them to live by values, to be honest and ethical and to build a solid reputation. It’s a noble goal, but one that’s not easy to achieve today.

Why Is This so Challenging to Develop?

Becoming a person of integrity is difficult because our society places so much emphasis on what we can see. Our talent. Our Facebook profile. Our selfies. Our appearance. It’s almost always about our image not our integrity. If our kids display any special gifts or leadership qualities, it can be doubly hard. Consider these four statements:

  1. Their talent has the potential to carry them further than their character can sustain them. Without direction, their gift can mold them into someone they don’t intend to become. They’ll be tempted to use their gifts to go places their character isn’t robust enough to guide them or keep them aligned with good ethics.
  1. Trouble comes when their integrity doesn’t keep pace with the momentum created by their intelligence. Sometimes our intelligence is much stronger than our character. Our moral intelligence isn’t strong enough to give us clarity to make good choices. Smart kids can rationalize almost any misbehavior or poor decision.
  1. There is no correlation between giftedness and maturity. It’s easy to assume that a talented athlete, student council member or performer must be a mature leader. Not true. A person can have great gifts . . . and be the most immature person in the world. Unfortunately, they can still have influence. We must help our kids see the difference.
  1. Their commitment to integrity can be easily eroded by their love of progress. If a student lacks integrity, it doesn’t mean they’re inherently bad people. It may mean they are leaders and this is pushing them forward. Leaders want to make progress! Because they love progress they can compromise a commitment to integrity.

In addition, we live in a day of pluralism and tolerance, where we’ve taught our children to value and accept all points of view. This is a good thing. Unfortunately, kids can unwittingly fail to distinguish perspectives that are just plain wrong or unethical. The unintended consequence can be that kids fail to develop the ability to discern right from wrong. They don’t want to be judgmental, so they withdraw from making even moral judgments. This inability will be conspicuous as they begin their careers.

What Can You Do?

Let me suggest a handful of action steps you can take with your kids:

1. Make a list of values.

One of the two greatest goals you can model and teach to your children is to help them create a list of 4-6 words that describe the person they hope to become as adults. Call it a list of personal core values. Then, help them find ways to live up to those values weekly.

2. Challenge them to add value to others daily.

Next, in addition to living by values, give them perspective on adding value to others. Help them to perform one act every day that adds value to someone else. Try doing it yourself. Living by values and adding value are what makes people valuable to teams.

3. Make it a game to do what you disdain.

Challenge the family to choose something every week that you each don’t like to do, and do it daily. It may be a chore around the house, like taking out the garbage. Keep score on parents and kids. This creates a habit of doing right—even when it’s no fun.

4. Dinner check ups on integrity.

At dinner, talk about a weekly opportunity each family member had to practice something that displayed integrity when no one was watching. Anonymous acts of character. Affirm any growth in each person.

An Iceberg Not an Ice Cube

These simple acts can begin to cultivate kids with robust character. Kids who grow below the surface. Solid. Stable. Steady. Interestingly, there is such a thing as an iceberg that has very little substance below the surface. It’s called a “whistler.” They have nothing more underwater than what’s above. They’re like a floating ice cube. Do you know how you can identify a “whistler?” They consistently make noise as they drift.

Let’s raise our kids to have substance below the surface.

Pastor B Culture, Oakwood, Winter

Disciple is here at the New Braunfels Civic Center Thursday, February 16!!!

Disciple is here at the New Braunfels Civic Center Thursday, February 16!!!

Contact Brandon Best at Oakwood Church offices for discounted tickets – 830.625.0267.

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Band info from Air1 Website here

The rock band Disciple first came together in Tennessee back in 1992, when Kevin Young, Brad Noah, Adrian DiTommasi and Tim Barrett were in high school. Known for their hard rock sound, and thought provoking lyrics, the band quickly caught the attention of record executives and released their first CD, What Was I Thinking in 1995.

Over the next few years the band released the albums: This Must Sting a Little (1999), By God (2001), Disciple (2004), Scars Remain (2007) and Horeseshoes & Handgrednades (2010). The band also released a variety of songs including: “I Just Know,” “Not Rock Stars,” “The Wait Is Over,” “Game On,” “After the World,” and “Dear X (You Don’t Own Me).” Their song “Game On” was chosen for numerous television shows and commercials.

Though the group considers themselves a “Christian band,” their music has been able to cross genres and appeal to people of all age groups and all walks of life. “We’ve always wanted to be a rock band and wanted to minister to that genre of people who like that style of music, ever since we were about thirteen or fourteen years old,” says lead singer Kevin Young. “So it’s something that God ingrained in us a long time ago. For me, those were the types of bands that were ministering to me as a kid.”

For Kevin Young, being able to reach a younger audience is something that has always been a personal goal, due to his own experience as a teen. “I was trying to find my way as a teenager, and there were a lot of Christian rock bands that really helped me in my walk with God as a teenager,” he says. “To go see those bands play live and hear them talk about Jesus from the stage, it really made an impact on my life personally. And it impacted how we approached being a band. Those guys had a huge influence on our lives. But we’re not sold on just one type of person, I think the Gospel is definitely for everybody.”

Consisting now of Kevin Young, Josiah Prince, Jason Wilkes, Andrew Stanton, and Joey West, the band continues to inspire with their latest O God Save Us All (November 13, 2012) featuring the song “Draw the Line.”

“When I write songs I always ask, ‘how is this going to go over live,’” says Kevin. “I think when you hear the songs on this album it’s definitely loud, but it goes to a whole different level when you hear it live – everything is turned up a notch, not just in volume, but in the energy and intensity. We want our songs to move people, to get them to respond and give a feeling of being wrapped up in the music, and we hope that’s exactly what this record does.”

The band hopes with their music to open the eyes of listeners, and be a catalyst for those who are searching for something greater. “You see a lot of people who get messed up in certain situations that we would think are bad situations they need to be rescued from, but in reality they’re looking for the same thing everybody’s looking for,” explains Kevin. “Nobody wants to be hungry. Nobody wants to be lonely. Everybody wants a purpose for why they’re alive. Everybody wants to be happy. Nobody wants to just be a mistake or an accident.”

Pastor B Culture, Fall, MS Leaders, Oakwood, Parent Cue, Parent Online Class

IS the NextGen More Cautious online??? – 7 GenZ statistics Every Adult Should Know

Here is the first statistic…
1. Social Media Preferences
Statistic: “Generation Z prefers social networks like
Snapchat, Secret and Whisper, and a quarter of 13-
to 17-year-olds left Facebook in 2014”
Generation Z’s social media habits have shifted in the wake of a Millennial-infused culture. Whereas Millennials posted everything about their lives with little regard to the consequences, Genera-
tion Z is much more cautious. Generation Z is moving away quickly from social media platforms with “Timelines” like Facebook and Twitter, and headed toward platforms that are more associated with what’s happening now.
Platforms like Snapchat, Secret, and Whisper, allow them to share without being tracked, and tell their story—without worrying about being judged (or not hired) by anything other than their
most recent posts. The greatest irony is that the things young members of Generation Z post on these newer platforms have not evaporated. Everything on the internet still leaves a trail.
Question to Consider
  • How can you best use social media to connect with Generation Z?
  • What can this statistic tell you about what your Generation Z students value in an online experience?
Source:
“This Gen Z Infographic Can Help Marketers Get Wise to
the Future” by Adweek (http://bit.ly/1pVh8EN)
Pastor B Culture, Fall, Oakwood, Parent Cue, Uncategorized

Reckless, Foolish, Social Media Generation

As we end our Middle School Series talking about Social Media and how it impacts our real lives, I came across one of the most RECKLESS and FOOLISH Social Media stunts I have ever seen that happened this past week!

We have been talking about how God created us in His Image and referenced Ephesians 2:10 in the NLT:

“10For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.:”

We focused on how being God’s Masterpiece is a greater place to find self-worth, than from the likes we get on Instagram or Snap Chat.

We also looked at the fact that it is so much easier to tear down, rather than build up, especially when we are thumbing through pictures and reacting in the moment.  The challenge is to make an impact by being confident in Christ and turning the tide from negativity online to positive encouragement.

This last week in our series, we are looking at a Proverb from chapter 14:

“16 The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.”
Can Wisdom be found on Social Media???  Can we find a way to be cautious and avoid danger that might impact our real lives when posting a fun picture or crazy video?
We definitely found the RECKLESS CONFIDENCE and this video is a great representation on how our Social Media habits can catch up to us in real life!
Our challenge to students is to do three things
PAUSE – Ask, is this the wisest thing to post right now?
ASK – If you are not sure it is wise, ASK SOMEONE.
BACK UP – It’s better to be SAFE than SORRY by backing up and not posting something immediately.
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Pastor B Culture, Fall, Parent Cue

Brace Yourself, Social Media Is Headed Your Way

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Check out More articles by Jon Acuff Here

I used to think only parents of high school students had to focus on social media. I assumed that until my kids hit high school, it wasn’t a topic I’d have to think about often as a parent. I didn’t think I’d get a free pass until 9th grade, but there was some naïve, optimistic belief inside me that assumed I wouldn’t have to deal with it in 6th grade.

I was wrong.

My daughter started middle school a few weeks ago and I’ve had to let go of a lot of the misconceptions I had about technology and students. Case in point, the other day my daughter told me that students at her middle school started “couple accounts on Instagram.” For a few minutes I pretended I understood what that meant, but as she explained it, what she said caught me off guard.

Apparently, a couple account is when someone anonymously opens an Instagram account designed to propose couples who could date. The owners of the account grab photos from other students’ profiles and then slap them together on Instagram. People who follow the account then vote in the comments on whether the two people shown would make a good couple.

Can you guess what happens?

When you create something like this, it’s only a matter of time until someone says, “She’s too ugly for him” or “He’s a loser and she’s too popular for him. They’d make a bad couple.”

I’m 39 and sometimes when complete strangers on the Internet say mean things about me, it hurts my feelings. Now imagine you’re a 6th grade girl, and a group of 8th graders who go to your school say you’re ugly on Instagram.

Whenever you criticize social media, a segment of culture is quick to point out all the amazing things it offers. And I agree with that. I’m a huge fan of the many opportunities social media makes possible for all of us. I genuinely believe it can positively impact most aspects of our lives.

As a parent though, I’m starting to pay better attention. As a parent, I’m starting to realize a 6th grader’s heart wasn’t built to be criticized publicly and instantly on social media platforms. As a parent, I’m starting to see both the good and the bad sides of technology.

If you’ve got kids, social media is coming for you. Meet it head on, with hope and caution, because you’re going to need both.

 

Pastor B Culture, MS Leaders, Oakwood, Parent Cue

Five Questions to Ask Yourself About Leading Teens

Five Questions to Ask Yourself About Leading Teens

This past month, I was encouraged and entertained by teenagers who symbolized two completely different perspectives on life. I thought you’d enjoy them too, and perhaps learn what they teach us about adolescents today. I offer these two case studies below. Fasten your seatbelt.

Case Study One: Can You Post a Better Photo?

selfie

photo credit: 16.01.09 :: Haaaaaaa via photopin (license)

An 18-year-old girl who had escaped from an Australian correctional center responded to police after her mug shot was posted on Facebook. Did she turn herself in? Did she confess to what she’d done? Was she ready to come clean?

Nope. She simply wanted them to use a better photo of her on-line.

Yep, she did. She asked them to please use a prettier picture of her and even provided one for them to use. When Amy Sharp had escaped from Surry Hills Corrective Services Cell Complex on August 19th, police immediately posted mug shots of her, so people in the community could be on the lookout for her. That’s when Amy saw the photos and felt she didn’t look good enough. It wasn’t the kind of representation she was hoping for. So . . . she sent them a better picture. Perhaps it was a selfie, who knows?

Amy Priorities?

Too often, Amy represents a population of teens who’ve bought into society’s values: style over substance. I’m sorry, Amy, but isn’t the mug shot the least of your worries? When did image become more important than integrity? Our culture unwittingly tells us: looking good is more important than doing good.

Case Study Two: Can We Have a Job?

Four young teens approached Zsa Zsa Heard, who works at the La Grange Housing Authority (in Georgia), and asked if she knew of any jobs they could do this summer. When Ms. Heard asked them why they wanted to work, she assumed they wanted to make a few extra bucks. They told her, however, that gang members were approaching them all the time, wanting them to join. They knew that would lead to trouble. So, they wanted to find work—to keep them out of trouble.

She hired all four of them on the spot.

The four teens, Dennis, Dylik, Jalen and Deion began working in construction, helping in the community garden, passing out mail and tending the chicken coup. And it’s paid off. Not only have they done what they’ve been asked to do, they’re now catching a vision for their future careers, after learning about construction and livestock.

The Young Men’s Priorities? 

They want to do something that matters. They need opportunities and guidance, but they actually want to serve our community. What they need are adults (like Ms. Heard) who immediately spot their craving for meaning and productivity and satisfy it. She didn’t “give them something for nothing,” but she offered an opportunity to earn money as they used their gifts, time and energy.

Where do they get these perspectives?

Our Report Card: Five Test Questions

Where do our young adults pick up their attitudes and paradigms? You already know, don’t you? It’s from the world around them. Amy Sharp was conditioned to be consumed with improving her social media presence, instead of correcting her behavior. Dennis, Dylik, Jalen and Deion somehow understood that gang membership is a dead end street, but job experience is a path that leads to a goal. At their fork in the road, they talked each other into stepping into the Housing Authority and seeking out jobs.

Let me suggest five questions we should ask ourselves as educators and parents:

After Observing Your Students:

  1. What societal message do you see they’ve bought into?
  1. What opportunities could satisfy their need for growth and maturity?
  1. What incentives can you offer them to help them move in a healthy direction?
  1. What direction and wisdom will you provide for them?
  1. What one small step could send them in the right trajectory?

I love the story of the vacationers who visited an old village in Austria years ago. Upon meeting a local, the guests asked if any famous people had been born there. The local resident smiled and replied, “Nope, only babies.”

He was right. Every kid begins as a clean slate. They are soft clay with which to be molded by artists. What they become has a lot to do with the perspective we have offered them growing up. Let’s get this right.

Click the here for more articles from Tim Elmore

Pastor B Culture, Fall, MS Leaders, Parent Cue

Why We Can’t Ignore the Lowest Birthrates in US History

Why We Can’t Ignore the Lowest Birthrates in US History

Do you know the current birth rate in America today? The U.S. fertility rate fell to the lowest point since record keeping started more than a century ago, according to statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

That’s almost unbelievable.

In 1909, the government began keeping track of what’s called the fertility rate. The general fertility rate is the number of births out of 1,000 women between the ages of 15 to 44. The U.S. birth rate dipped in 2011 to the lowest ever recorded, led by a plunge in births to immigrant women since the onset of the Great Recession. According to CNN, the first three months of 2016 saw fertility rate in the U.S. fall to its lowest level; 59.8 births per 1,000 women.

While this trend is intriguing, I just read the latest statistic, which stopped me in my tracks.

As of last month, August 2016, America had the lowest birth rate of any point in recorded history. Lower than the Seniors, the Builder Generation, the Baby Boomers, Generation X or the Millennials. Women are choosing something other than raising children as a path to the life they want.

What Does This Mean?

Family

There has been a real shift in our view of children and parenting over the last decade. The Millennial Generation is the largest generation in U.S. history, at 80 million strong. (They’re young adults today). Right in the middle of their generation, more children were born in America in 1991 than any other year in recorded history. Today, however, we’ve swung to our lowest fertility and birth rates—just as the largest generation in history steps into the typical age of parenting.

So, why are we not having kids?

1. Women are choosing careers over kids.

Millions of families now believe they cannot enjoy the standard of living they want without two incomes in the home. Additionally, many women would say they enjoy a career more than they’d enjoy raising a child—and it’s tough to do both.

2. The economy often restricts couples from having children.

Sometimes the choice not to have children (or to have less children) is not just about the desire for an affluent standard of living. Some couples would say they simply cannot afford to bring another person into their family and provide for them.

3. Many are choosing a single life, instead of a family.

I’ve written before on the growing number of people living and dining alone. While this may lead to lots of new realities, one certain reality is the difficulty of having a child in the home with no caring adult to raise it. Hence, fewer kids.

4. Parenting children is, perhaps, the most taxing task an adult can do.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It requires patience and resilience, strength and emotional intelligence—at least if you want to do it well. In today’s world, that’s a trade off many don’t want to make. It’s just hard work.

Can we ponder the various outcomes of this reality?

What This Means to Us . . .

Study the nations around the world that are not replacing the adult population, and you can see trouble ahead. For years, many of us have watched Japan’s birth rate drop—and lead to fears over whether they’ll be enough young people to fund the millions who are retiring, much less the economy’s need to produce. Japan sells more adult diapers than baby diapers. Last year, Germany passed up Japan as the nation with the lowest birth rate. A study, reported by the BBC, says Germany’s birth rate has slumped to the lowest in the world, prompting fears that labor market shortages will damage the economy. Not far behind are Portugal and Italy.

Is America heading in this direction, with a sagging economy already?

In our nation, we are experiencing “two hills and two valleys.” In other words, two generations are very large, while two generations are much smaller. The retiring generation (Boomers) are 76 million strong. They are retiring at a rate of 10,000 a day. Generation X is smaller in size. (This generation started with the birth control pill). Next, the Millennials number 80 million in size, currently the largest generation in American history. But today, Generation Z is much smaller again, numbering about 59 million, depending on what year you believe their generation began.

Globally, the nations that have the highest birth rates are developing nations. Most of them can be found in Africa, with Niger at the top of the list. So, countries that are economically developed are not having as many babies. But the poorest seem to be having the most babies—89.7% of people under 30 live in developing economies, particularly in the Middle East and Africa. This could be trouble for our world economy as well as our ability to educate and prepare them to compete in the marketplace.

Our “To Do” List

  1. Let’s be intentional about parenting and educating the children we currently have.
  1. Let’s find ways to help educate and mentor children and families in poor nations.
  1. Let’s find ways (if possible) to live on less and raise larger families very well.
  1. Let’s explore adopting children who need good homes and families.
  1. Let’s see the big picture and make the most of every young person around us.

To be clear, just because the fertility rate is decreasing, it doesn’t necessarily mean the US population is going to shrink. The rate of growth may be slower, but the population is still expected to increase, according to CNN. I am certain, however, that our future depends on how well we parent and educate our children today.